Christmas is wonderful and busy and fun and exciting and happy and spiritual at our house with a touch of the Grinch from Jay who gets the blues pretty badly most years about this time. He worked hard to move past it this year and with all the unexpected blessings, he did pretty well. I'm sure some of that was his sheer determination not to complicate our stressed lives at the moment and help us enjoy the holiday.
Christmas morning was filled with Rachel thrilled with all the gifts she got and Jay and I right there with her. We were greatly blessed by our anonymous church friends. We've been blessed by others, too. One friend purchased a battery for our car and despite my assuring her we would pay her back as soon as Jay had a job, she refused and threatened me in the nicest way. Another sent a gift card in their family Christmas card to us. Generosity has crept out of every direction this year.
Christmas Day was spent with my brother, his wife and daughter and his wife's family, which consists of mom, stepdad, aunt and a great aunt. This is our 2nd Christmas with them and they are all wonderful, sweet people. I made simple but personal gifts for each of them (thanks Kristy for the idea for the women's gifts on Light Refreshments Served) and they were so appreciated that it choked me up a bit. I think I was a little concerned how they would be received, being so simple. But I hadn't needed to worry. We had a really nice visit. And like the big cry baby I have become, I got all teary eyed saying good-by.
Today was relaxing and I was tired. I usually get busy the day after and get all the Christmas decorations down and put away. I just don't have a lot of energy back from being sick. Then I went for my follow-up appointment with the doctor and that explained it. I STILL have infection in both my ears, larygitis which she says is from the infection and some sort of fungus in my right ear - ewwwww. I'm going on my third round of antibiotics, plus something for the fungus. That explains why I still feel so run down. I can't believe I am still sick, though. This hasn't ever happened to me before. Usually one round of antibiotics and I'm good to go.
So, the Christmas decorations will be up a few days longer than usual (though not until April like at my mother's/sister's house last year - ahem) and I'll be thankful to finally get rid of all this stuff in my body.
Oh, and my daughter hasn't taken off the cloak she got for Christmas since she opened it except to sleep. Thanks Penny, for sewing it for me. You are a gem. My girl was THRILLED.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Our Family Tradition - In Its Fifteenth Year
My first date with Jay was a blind date. A friend of mine set us up, alleging we would be going out with a group of people one night in December of 1993. She did tell us she was planning to introduce us, though. When we both arrived, separately, we found we were the only two there. She went with us to see an IMAX film and then claimed she was tired and needed to go home. This from a major party girl. But we took the hint and took her home and then headed back to go to Zoo Lights at the Denver Zoo. It was there we held hands for the first time, though later that night at the planetarium Jay pushed my arm off the shared armrest a couple of times until I decided he was probably a jerk. Hmm, I married him anyway.
Since that time, we have gone to the Zoo Lights every year. Even when Rachel was a newborn, we bundled her up and went after Christmas. Of course, it wasn't all that cold that year, maybe around 40 degrees F the night we went. We've been married for over 14 years now, so counting each year, we've been there 15 times. We've always loved going, probably more for the tradition and meaning behind it than that there is anything new - though there actually were a few new displays this year. We've always kept a membership to the zoo which nets you discounts for special things like Zoo Lights. Rachel loves the animals, as do Jay and I. We visit there several times a year, especially during the summer months. With Jay out of work, I thought we'd have to skip this year, but I was asked to babysit for someone who only allows adults to watch her kids and earned the money to pay for our visit plus some. So we left the house to arrive when it first opened for the evening. We sang Christmas songs on our way there, talked and laughed and enjoyed our drive. I made some hot cocoa mix and we took it in a thermos and drank some about halfway through when the chill was getting into our bones. We rushed through the open pachyderm house, covering our noses from the smell and taking deep, cold air breaths when we got out the other side. The drive home was filled with more laughing, talking and a little singing. But the real surprise was pulling up in front of our house. When we pulled up, I said, "Oh my gosh, Jay. Look at the porch." There were bags all over it. Bags of gifts and gift cards and loving cards from people at our church who have shared our burden, held us up in their prayers and kindness, overwhelmed our hearts with their generosity.
I cannot say how overwhelming this has all been. I have never known such generosity. I've never felt unable to thank enough or be grateful enough than I have in these last few months. I found myself in tears before I even reached the porch, before I read a single card, before I understood the enormity of what lay on our front porch. We felt blessed before all this to have survived some difficulties over our fourteen years of marriage with mental illness, some health challenges, infertility issues, the loss of 5 babies to miscarriage and the loss of 3 jobs in the last 4 years that have financially devastated us. But we survived it all and have grown in unexplainable ways as a couple, as a family and as individuals. What we have experienced in the last couple of months has helped us grow and move forward even more. And, at least for myself and what I can see in my husband and daughter, we have moved very far forward in our faith. The Lord knows us. He cares for us and wants what is best for us. He hears our prayers. He moves our friends and ward family in the ways that we need. He will never forsake us. He will never forget us. He will never turn His back on us. We are loved and our burdens are shared by our friends. We have found the restored church of Jesus Christ on the earth today and have turned our hearts over to it. In return, we have had blessings beyond any expectation or wish. We are, in simple words, very, very blessed.
Read the previous post to see the other blessings we have experienced lately.
Since that time, we have gone to the Zoo Lights every year. Even when Rachel was a newborn, we bundled her up and went after Christmas. Of course, it wasn't all that cold that year, maybe around 40 degrees F the night we went. We've been married for over 14 years now, so counting each year, we've been there 15 times. We've always loved going, probably more for the tradition and meaning behind it than that there is anything new - though there actually were a few new displays this year. We've always kept a membership to the zoo which nets you discounts for special things like Zoo Lights. Rachel loves the animals, as do Jay and I. We visit there several times a year, especially during the summer months. With Jay out of work, I thought we'd have to skip this year, but I was asked to babysit for someone who only allows adults to watch her kids and earned the money to pay for our visit plus some. So we left the house to arrive when it first opened for the evening. We sang Christmas songs on our way there, talked and laughed and enjoyed our drive. I made some hot cocoa mix and we took it in a thermos and drank some about halfway through when the chill was getting into our bones. We rushed through the open pachyderm house, covering our noses from the smell and taking deep, cold air breaths when we got out the other side. The drive home was filled with more laughing, talking and a little singing. But the real surprise was pulling up in front of our house. When we pulled up, I said, "Oh my gosh, Jay. Look at the porch." There were bags all over it. Bags of gifts and gift cards and loving cards from people at our church who have shared our burden, held us up in their prayers and kindness, overwhelmed our hearts with their generosity.
I cannot say how overwhelming this has all been. I have never known such generosity. I've never felt unable to thank enough or be grateful enough than I have in these last few months. I found myself in tears before I even reached the porch, before I read a single card, before I understood the enormity of what lay on our front porch. We felt blessed before all this to have survived some difficulties over our fourteen years of marriage with mental illness, some health challenges, infertility issues, the loss of 5 babies to miscarriage and the loss of 3 jobs in the last 4 years that have financially devastated us. But we survived it all and have grown in unexplainable ways as a couple, as a family and as individuals. What we have experienced in the last couple of months has helped us grow and move forward even more. And, at least for myself and what I can see in my husband and daughter, we have moved very far forward in our faith. The Lord knows us. He cares for us and wants what is best for us. He hears our prayers. He moves our friends and ward family in the ways that we need. He will never forsake us. He will never forget us. He will never turn His back on us. We are loved and our burdens are shared by our friends. We have found the restored church of Jesus Christ on the earth today and have turned our hearts over to it. In return, we have had blessings beyond any expectation or wish. We are, in simple words, very, very blessed.
Read the previous post to see the other blessings we have experienced lately.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Gaining in Understanding
You think as you get older....okay, maybe we'll call it middle aged....that you have a lot of learned-from-experience knowledge. Tears seem to come more easily than they used to. Your heart goes out more to others and less for yourself. You find your spiritual center, so to speak. You begin to find a place within yourself where you can settle in and accept whatever bugged you about yourself when you were younger - in my case, it was my nose (and, of course, being fat, which still bugs me a lot). You really start to feel like you're figuring things out. Of course, we're never done learning and so things happen that help you grow and gain in knowledge and, if you're lucky, help make you a better person than you used to be.
I worked as an insurance adjuster for eight years before I was married. I handled just about every kind of insurance you can imagine - Workman's Comp, General Liability (like slip and falls in stores), Law Enforcement Liability, Home/Property and Auto, a little Malpractice, Inland Marine - that's all that comes to my immediate mind. We directed our company attorneys and monitored their timeliness on law suits. I enjoyed the work for the most part, liked the busy flow of the day, enjoyed learning the laws in the states we handled, enjoyed interacting with people and helping them when they'd been hurt - physically or financially - by some sort of accident. I loved and respected many of the people I worked with, too. The job had its rewards. It also had its drawbacks. Although lots of people talk about how insurance companies try to rip off people who *deserve* money, I know that adjusters like that are in the minority. Oh, they do exist. I even worked with one woman like that when I first got into the industry and promised myself I would NEVER be that unfair to anyone in my career. I always offered the best settlements I could - in other words, the most money and/or assistance I could offer. I didn't play around and when someone didn't think I'd offered enough, I'd try my best to get a little more for them (this required supervisor or higher approval and sometimes approval from the insured if it was a big business who paid many of their up front settlements from their own money rather than the insurance). Sometimes that happened and sometimes I'd already offered every penny available. Some people knew they were being treated fairly, accepted the offers and got on with their lives. Others, and unfortunately there were many more like this, just kept fighting and threatening and very often were perpetrating a fraud. It happens MUCH MORE OFTEN than you would think. So you're probably wondering what this has to do with my post title. I'll tell you.
After so many years seeing many people at their worst - knowing they were lying, having to send private investigators to video proof of that, getting medical reports that directly indicated they were lying, etc - I began to have a sad and negative opinion of people overall. When I met my husband, this bugged him. A LOT. It bugged me somewhat, too, but I couldn't get past it. Even after I got out of the business and stayed home while we tried to get pregnant for Rachel, I had a hard time not being suspicious of people, to not have a more negative opinion of them than was my right, to be blunt. Of course, I knew my friends and people I knew from church were not like that and I didn't feel that way about them, but in general, I really had a negative idea of what people were like. When I walked into a grocery store and spied something on the floor, I quickly moved it out of the pathway and would say to Jay, "If I don't move that, some loser will come along and fake a fall on it." What I should have said and thought was , "If I don't move that, someone might fall and get hurt." But all my years handling just these kinds of claims and knowing these people often were not injured like they claimed made it very hard to think in those kinder, fairer ways.
Over the years, desiring to be a better person and deciding to think better of my fellow man, I slowly changed my thinking. My newer thinking over the last few years has been that all people, for the most part, are good in heart and just need someone to have faith in them and be their friend. I very much take to heart the creed of George Albert Smith, the 8th Prophet of and President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One of the lines is: "I would not seek to force people to live up to my ideas, but rather love them into doing the thing that is right." By no means do I think I am perfect or even all that wonderful. I just try my best and I know that's what most people do. Yeah, there are some people who aren't very good people. There are even some people who are truly awful people. But most people are decent and doing the best they can every day.
So lately, we have seen - no, actually been recipients of - kindness and generosity beyond our imaginings. We have been cared for - spiritually, emotionally and even financially - by many people lately while we endure Jay's unemployment. It is something that I would never have expected. It is something that, though I find it difficult to be on the receiving end rather than the giving end, I have been enormously grateful for, surprised by and cried many tears over. Most of the few people who read this blog have been the givers - whether spiritual, emotional or financial. And I want you to know we have been filled up in our hearts with gratitude by your actions. Our blessings are mighty and we can't say enough how appreciated and grateful we are for all those gifts.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your friendships.
I worked as an insurance adjuster for eight years before I was married. I handled just about every kind of insurance you can imagine - Workman's Comp, General Liability (like slip and falls in stores), Law Enforcement Liability, Home/Property and Auto, a little Malpractice, Inland Marine - that's all that comes to my immediate mind. We directed our company attorneys and monitored their timeliness on law suits. I enjoyed the work for the most part, liked the busy flow of the day, enjoyed learning the laws in the states we handled, enjoyed interacting with people and helping them when they'd been hurt - physically or financially - by some sort of accident. I loved and respected many of the people I worked with, too. The job had its rewards. It also had its drawbacks. Although lots of people talk about how insurance companies try to rip off people who *deserve* money, I know that adjusters like that are in the minority. Oh, they do exist. I even worked with one woman like that when I first got into the industry and promised myself I would NEVER be that unfair to anyone in my career. I always offered the best settlements I could - in other words, the most money and/or assistance I could offer. I didn't play around and when someone didn't think I'd offered enough, I'd try my best to get a little more for them (this required supervisor or higher approval and sometimes approval from the insured if it was a big business who paid many of their up front settlements from their own money rather than the insurance). Sometimes that happened and sometimes I'd already offered every penny available. Some people knew they were being treated fairly, accepted the offers and got on with their lives. Others, and unfortunately there were many more like this, just kept fighting and threatening and very often were perpetrating a fraud. It happens MUCH MORE OFTEN than you would think. So you're probably wondering what this has to do with my post title. I'll tell you.
After so many years seeing many people at their worst - knowing they were lying, having to send private investigators to video proof of that, getting medical reports that directly indicated they were lying, etc - I began to have a sad and negative opinion of people overall. When I met my husband, this bugged him. A LOT. It bugged me somewhat, too, but I couldn't get past it. Even after I got out of the business and stayed home while we tried to get pregnant for Rachel, I had a hard time not being suspicious of people, to not have a more negative opinion of them than was my right, to be blunt. Of course, I knew my friends and people I knew from church were not like that and I didn't feel that way about them, but in general, I really had a negative idea of what people were like. When I walked into a grocery store and spied something on the floor, I quickly moved it out of the pathway and would say to Jay, "If I don't move that, some loser will come along and fake a fall on it." What I should have said and thought was , "If I don't move that, someone might fall and get hurt." But all my years handling just these kinds of claims and knowing these people often were not injured like they claimed made it very hard to think in those kinder, fairer ways.
Over the years, desiring to be a better person and deciding to think better of my fellow man, I slowly changed my thinking. My newer thinking over the last few years has been that all people, for the most part, are good in heart and just need someone to have faith in them and be their friend. I very much take to heart the creed of George Albert Smith, the 8th Prophet of and President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One of the lines is: "I would not seek to force people to live up to my ideas, but rather love them into doing the thing that is right." By no means do I think I am perfect or even all that wonderful. I just try my best and I know that's what most people do. Yeah, there are some people who aren't very good people. There are even some people who are truly awful people. But most people are decent and doing the best they can every day.
So lately, we have seen - no, actually been recipients of - kindness and generosity beyond our imaginings. We have been cared for - spiritually, emotionally and even financially - by many people lately while we endure Jay's unemployment. It is something that I would never have expected. It is something that, though I find it difficult to be on the receiving end rather than the giving end, I have been enormously grateful for, surprised by and cried many tears over. Most of the few people who read this blog have been the givers - whether spiritual, emotional or financial. And I want you to know we have been filled up in our hearts with gratitude by your actions. Our blessings are mighty and we can't say enough how appreciated and grateful we are for all those gifts.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your friendships.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Getting Over It
I've been one sick puppy. I started with a cold that I could tell was turning into a sinus infection. We're new on Medicaid since we have no other insurance and it's a wonder that program works at all for health care. I did, after a horrendous search, find a Dr. - well, a nurse practitioner - who would accept me as a new patient. By then, I had a sinus infection on both sides with swelling and pain all the way into my right lower jaw, bronchitis, ear infections in both ears and conjunctivitis (pink eye) in both eyes. Can you say "kill me now". I don't remember ever being that sick. I was in so much pain, I couldn't sleep more than two hours at a stretch at night and was taking 4 ibuprofen every 4 hours trying to cope. I finally found some Vicodin I had left over from a root canal and started taking that. I STILL had pain that woke me every 3-4 hours. But 24 hours after getting on an antibiotic and a cough syrup with codeine in it, I was improving. Still, I've had to take a second round of antibiotics which I just started today because the sinus infection remains. Hopefully, things will just keep improving. I feel really tired, though, which I think is just because of how sick I was and that the infection isn't all gone yet. Once it is, I hope to start doing some walking with Jay to help get us more active (and take Rachel with us when she's around). We could all use it and it's a good place to start.
Off to bed. I'm beat even after a 1 & 1/2 hour nap this afternoon.
Off to bed. I'm beat even after a 1 & 1/2 hour nap this afternoon.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
The Birthday Party and Growing Up....Again
Well, Rachel had a great birthday party. Her best friend for most of her life was there (Samantha), a boy she's known since preschool (Tony) and her boyfriend (Will) -her other friend, Kaitlyn, couldn't make it. We went to see Twilight - I found the movie a bit better than the book, but Rachel and one of her friends says no. I kept leaning over to Jay and whispering "Stalker!" when Edward the vampire was being.....well, a stalker! Anyway, we were at a place called Movie Tavern and they had pizza and popcorn to eat. Then we came back to our place for cake and everyone but the boyfriend (really, he's sweet as can be and they are more just like friends) is still here. They are walking around outside, probably talking about fantasy/sci-fi stories which they both enjoy. Rachel had fun and I loved seeing the smile on her face, which was constant, after all the stress we've had on us with the joblessness situation.
Every day, I see her growing up. Last weekend we had our church Christmas party, themed on It's a Wonderful Life. It was fun and wonderful, as always. Our committee that does the parties is always amazing and creative. Anyway, Santa always makes his appearance, too, toward the end of the night and every year, without fail, I take a picture of Rachel on Santa's lap. This year I asked her if she wanted to go see him and she said, "Ah, I don't think I will this year, Mama." I said that was okay and we headed on home (I was starting to get really sick that night anyway). But I also felt a little bit like crying. My baby is growing up so much and especially since she's moved from Primary at church to Young Women's. It's really propelled her to a more mature place. I love that and it also saddens me because she's my only baby and she's not so much that anymore. But she had a wonderful time at that party and today and making her happy still fills my heart more than I can say.
Every day, I see her growing up. Last weekend we had our church Christmas party, themed on It's a Wonderful Life. It was fun and wonderful, as always. Our committee that does the parties is always amazing and creative. Anyway, Santa always makes his appearance, too, toward the end of the night and every year, without fail, I take a picture of Rachel on Santa's lap. This year I asked her if she wanted to go see him and she said, "Ah, I don't think I will this year, Mama." I said that was okay and we headed on home (I was starting to get really sick that night anyway). But I also felt a little bit like crying. My baby is growing up so much and especially since she's moved from Primary at church to Young Women's. It's really propelled her to a more mature place. I love that and it also saddens me because she's my only baby and she's not so much that anymore. But she had a wonderful time at that party and today and making her happy still fills my heart more than I can say.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
In Support of a New Christmas Song
I read a few blogs. I started out reading just a couple, then those led to others and so on. One I've added to my list recently is called The Jolly Porter and is written by the husband of one of the writers at Light Refreshments Served. His last post, which you can read here: http://www.thejollyporter.blogspot.com/
is about Christmas songs. Or not. Anyway, here's the one he's written and hopes to see become a new Christmas song in 2009. I'm just helping to support his cause. For a REALLY good laugh, follow the link and read his post. The song:
Jennifer, the winter pony!
Look at how she prances around!
Jennifer, the winter pony
Swingin' her mane through town.
One thing about her (it may be a shock!)
Is that Jennifer the pony could actually talk!
She met an orphan boy named Jack
They talked for hours and he rode on her back.
But then one day Jack got so hungry.
Winter was on, and he hadn't any money.
He combed her tail, he was gentle and lovin'
But when she wasn't looking, he pushed her in an oven.
Jennifer, the winter pony!
Sadly was no more.
Jennifer, the winter pony!
She'll be back to settle the score!
Trotty-trot, trot, trot
Trotty-trot, trot, trot
Look at Jennifer go!
Trotty-trot, trot, trot
Trotty-trot, trot, trot
Now she's actually a zombie.
is about Christmas songs. Or not. Anyway, here's the one he's written and hopes to see become a new Christmas song in 2009. I'm just helping to support his cause. For a REALLY good laugh, follow the link and read his post. The song:
Jennifer, the winter pony!
Look at how she prances around!
Jennifer, the winter pony
Swingin' her mane through town.
One thing about her (it may be a shock!)
Is that Jennifer the pony could actually talk!
She met an orphan boy named Jack
They talked for hours and he rode on her back.
But then one day Jack got so hungry.
Winter was on, and he hadn't any money.
He combed her tail, he was gentle and lovin'
But when she wasn't looking, he pushed her in an oven.
Jennifer, the winter pony!
Sadly was no more.
Jennifer, the winter pony!
She'll be back to settle the score!
Trotty-trot, trot, trot
Trotty-trot, trot, trot
Look at Jennifer go!
Trotty-trot, trot, trot
Trotty-trot, trot, trot
Now she's actually a zombie.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Moving Up
Sunday we watched during Sacrament as Rachel was called up by the Bishop who gave her a certificate indicating her move into Young Women's from Primary. He had interviewed her the previous Sunday. She then recited the LONGEST Article of Faith, having memorized all 13. She looked beautiful and sweet up there. And I cried like a big, dramatic lump of motherhood. Yet again, a moment indicating my baby is no longer just a baby but a growing up young woman. A bit of my heart wrenches at the thought but I'm also proud of her, so proud of her and all her accomplishments. She makes being a mother a joy in so many ways.....and then heart-wrenching when she gets mad and says something mean (we're trying to break the "I hate you" comment as always inappropriate). But most moments are wonderful. I have to cut her a little slack, raging hormones and all, right?
We've also been blessed with so many things lately while wallowing in this pit of stress with no jobs in the household. First, a friend from church who is totally redoing her house gave us a lovely bedroom set - large dresser and mirror, armoire and night stand that is very solid and in very good shape. Our own bedroom furniture was literally falling apart. That was followed by another, closer friend, leaving a card behind with a gift certificate that will enable us to give Rachel a birthday party where she wanted it. That was something I don't even have words for. Then we came home the Friday before Thanksgiving to a member of the Bishopric leaving a huge turkey and a bunch of canned goods and some dressing mix at our door. To top it all off, despite the terrible stock market fluctuations, Jay's 401K cash out covered all our bills for this month. It's just been amazing and remarkable and we know that it is beyond our wildest imaginings that things have fallen into place this way. Now we just hold out for and continue to pray for a job for Jay (and it wouldn't hurt if a part time one came my way).
Rachel's sick with a cold that had her miserable enough that she stayed home today and was in bed tonight by 6:30 p.m. Hopefully she's well enough to go to school tomorrow. Missing much school in middle school is scary with all the back homework she'll have to do.
We're all decorated for Christmas - lights up outside, inside all done except finishing our tree which only has the lights on it so far. We just sort of fizzled out of energy and haven't gotten back to it. Hopefully, we'll finish it up tomorrow night.
Oh, and my dad is doing a LOT better. He's been in the hospital for another blood infection and the first time I spoke to him, he was frighteningly weak. Two days later, you could hear in his voice that he was doing better. After a week, they moved him to the rehab hospital and they are talking about possibly having him out of there in another week. It's just remarkable how quickly he's improved. And a relief on top of all our other stresses. God is good.
We've also been blessed with so many things lately while wallowing in this pit of stress with no jobs in the household. First, a friend from church who is totally redoing her house gave us a lovely bedroom set - large dresser and mirror, armoire and night stand that is very solid and in very good shape. Our own bedroom furniture was literally falling apart. That was followed by another, closer friend, leaving a card behind with a gift certificate that will enable us to give Rachel a birthday party where she wanted it. That was something I don't even have words for. Then we came home the Friday before Thanksgiving to a member of the Bishopric leaving a huge turkey and a bunch of canned goods and some dressing mix at our door. To top it all off, despite the terrible stock market fluctuations, Jay's 401K cash out covered all our bills for this month. It's just been amazing and remarkable and we know that it is beyond our wildest imaginings that things have fallen into place this way. Now we just hold out for and continue to pray for a job for Jay (and it wouldn't hurt if a part time one came my way).
Rachel's sick with a cold that had her miserable enough that she stayed home today and was in bed tonight by 6:30 p.m. Hopefully she's well enough to go to school tomorrow. Missing much school in middle school is scary with all the back homework she'll have to do.
We're all decorated for Christmas - lights up outside, inside all done except finishing our tree which only has the lights on it so far. We just sort of fizzled out of energy and haven't gotten back to it. Hopefully, we'll finish it up tomorrow night.
Oh, and my dad is doing a LOT better. He's been in the hospital for another blood infection and the first time I spoke to him, he was frighteningly weak. Two days later, you could hear in his voice that he was doing better. After a week, they moved him to the rehab hospital and they are talking about possibly having him out of there in another week. It's just remarkable how quickly he's improved. And a relief on top of all our other stresses. God is good.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Growing Up
I title this with a little joy and excitement but also with a little cringe. Rachel has been a joy since the day she was born. She was an easy baby - easy to ween to the bottle, easy to ween from a pacifier, easy to teach to read and write her name before school started, easy, easy easy. Until potty training. That she did not like. It took a month or so but we finally made it and she did great once she had it down. Now we've come into the tween years. This Thursday, on Thanksgiving Day, she turns twelve. I can hardly believe it. Twelve years of having this amazing gift in our lives; a gift that has brought so much laughter, happiness and joy in our lives. I have come to believe that I had no reason for any other children, because she is the perfect one. My heart is so full of love and adoration for her. Holding her for the first time after her birth was the first time I felt that all encompassing, heart wrenching love for another person. In a way, she taught me how to love.
This past week was a busy one for us, but especially for Rachel. She performed her play Wed., Thurs, and Fri. nights, having to be there at 6 p.m.. It ran until 8:45. But she was phenomenal in it. On Monday and Tuesday, they had dress rehearsal from immediately after school until 7 p.m. AND it was finals week! She pretty much fell into bed every night.
On the last night of the play, we met her as we had each night by the ticket table. She quickly put her arm around my neck, looked back at her dad and said, "Girl talk," as she led me out the door ahead of him. Then she gleefully told me she had a boyfriend. Okay, I admit I felt a little panic overcome me. But then I calmed down so as to not take any of the joy out of this experience for her. I said, "Really? That's wonderful, Sweetie. Who is it?" It is Will, the boy who gave her the paper origami flower. The boy who although admittedly cute, only comes up to my daughter's shoulder. And here's the kicker: She asked him. He said yes immediately but she asked him to think about it because she didn't want them to break up the next day or anything like that. He came over to her at the end of the play and said he still wanted to be her boyfriend. That night, while Daddy was in another room, we had the boundaries talk again. Good thing, too, since she couldn't remember any of them (we discussed it when she got the paper flower).
Anyway, she's thrilled and happy and not even close to thinking she loves him or anything crazy like that - just a nice, sweet little crush that's reciprocated. He just better not do anything to hurt my little girl's heart.
We'll celebrate Rachel's twelth birthday on Thanksgiving at a friend's house where we'll be spending the day. We took $20 out of Jay's temporary job check and bought her the little purse and wallet she asked for - wanting to feel more grown up than the little "play" purses she has. We'll have a cake and we'll all sing Happy Birthday to her. She wanted to take some friends to a movie (like Movie Tavern or Cinema Grill) for the movie and pizza and then home for presents, but we'll have to do that after the 1st of the year or just plan that for next year since Jay still hasn't found a job. She's doing okay about that. I think it's harder on me because twelve is a big year, a milestone, and I wanted to do more for her. But what counts is she knows it's important to us and that we are proud of her and she can't doubt that.
This past week was a busy one for us, but especially for Rachel. She performed her play Wed., Thurs, and Fri. nights, having to be there at 6 p.m.. It ran until 8:45. But she was phenomenal in it. On Monday and Tuesday, they had dress rehearsal from immediately after school until 7 p.m. AND it was finals week! She pretty much fell into bed every night.
On the last night of the play, we met her as we had each night by the ticket table. She quickly put her arm around my neck, looked back at her dad and said, "Girl talk," as she led me out the door ahead of him. Then she gleefully told me she had a boyfriend. Okay, I admit I felt a little panic overcome me. But then I calmed down so as to not take any of the joy out of this experience for her. I said, "Really? That's wonderful, Sweetie. Who is it?" It is Will, the boy who gave her the paper origami flower. The boy who although admittedly cute, only comes up to my daughter's shoulder. And here's the kicker: She asked him. He said yes immediately but she asked him to think about it because she didn't want them to break up the next day or anything like that. He came over to her at the end of the play and said he still wanted to be her boyfriend. That night, while Daddy was in another room, we had the boundaries talk again. Good thing, too, since she couldn't remember any of them (we discussed it when she got the paper flower).
Anyway, she's thrilled and happy and not even close to thinking she loves him or anything crazy like that - just a nice, sweet little crush that's reciprocated. He just better not do anything to hurt my little girl's heart.
We'll celebrate Rachel's twelth birthday on Thanksgiving at a friend's house where we'll be spending the day. We took $20 out of Jay's temporary job check and bought her the little purse and wallet she asked for - wanting to feel more grown up than the little "play" purses she has. We'll have a cake and we'll all sing Happy Birthday to her. She wanted to take some friends to a movie (like Movie Tavern or Cinema Grill) for the movie and pizza and then home for presents, but we'll have to do that after the 1st of the year or just plan that for next year since Jay still hasn't found a job. She's doing okay about that. I think it's harder on me because twelve is a big year, a milestone, and I wanted to do more for her. But what counts is she knows it's important to us and that we are proud of her and she can't doubt that.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Not a Bite
After having made every day a day of looking for work, Jay hasn't had a bite but for one job that he was already uncomfortable about and would have required about a 4 hour bus ride to reach, it was so far away. We only have one car and with Rachel's activities, I have to have a car available. So, that didn't happen.
I've not had a thing come up, either. It's disheartening. It's frustrating. But it could be worse. We are blessed to have a 4 day job for Jay this week and for all of the help our church is giving us. No other church would do as much for their members as our church does. And though this is a real blessing, it's difficult - at best - to need it and have to go that route. I pray one day my book will do really well and we'll be able to give back in a big way. I would love to offer up a fund to the Bishop for families in need in our ward. It would feel like settling a debt - be it of gratitude or financial.
I've not had a thing come up, either. It's disheartening. It's frustrating. But it could be worse. We are blessed to have a 4 day job for Jay this week and for all of the help our church is giving us. No other church would do as much for their members as our church does. And though this is a real blessing, it's difficult - at best - to need it and have to go that route. I pray one day my book will do really well and we'll be able to give back in a big way. I would love to offer up a fund to the Bishop for families in need in our ward. It would feel like settling a debt - be it of gratitude or financial.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Blessings, Trials and Privileges
Our personal trials at the moment are obvious. No one in this household has a job right now. And we struggle with depression taking over and keeping one from applying himself as much as he must right now.
But here's one of the biggest blessings: Praying together, reading scriptures together and doing it every day can and will keep that at bay. Maybe not 100%, but better than ever before in the past. Of course, we are filled up with blessings right now - people who love us and are supporting us in prayer and friendship, the loaf of homemade bread dropped off here and there, the tears of understanding because they've been there before, the reassurances that it will be all right in time. So many. Then our church fills us with blessings, too. Going to church each week fills our aching, empty souls at a time when they need most to be filled up. We get hugs and loving, caring hands placed on our arms or shoulders with a reassurance that we are being prayed for and that they will "keep an ear to the ground" for any jobs. And our dear, sweet, greatly understanding Bishop reassures us the church will help us, not let us lose our house, fill our cupboards with food and then his wife hires my husband next week for 4 days as a security person for her seasonal business.
Our privileges? We live in a country where we get to vote for the person who heads up our country. That can be scary, says the moderate conservative who, although she doesn't see eye to eye with McCain, surely sees Obama's form of government - which is socialism - is not the way to go. I have a feeling Obama will be the man, though, and so I prepare now for things to become even worse in our country - just as they did when Carter (a good, Christian man) was in office and he shouldn't have been. Still, we do live in a position of freedom which is more than most people in this world can say. Our constitution was inspired by God and written by God-fearing, though not always perfectly upright, men. We are....lucky to be where we are.
But here's one of the biggest blessings: Praying together, reading scriptures together and doing it every day can and will keep that at bay. Maybe not 100%, but better than ever before in the past. Of course, we are filled up with blessings right now - people who love us and are supporting us in prayer and friendship, the loaf of homemade bread dropped off here and there, the tears of understanding because they've been there before, the reassurances that it will be all right in time. So many. Then our church fills us with blessings, too. Going to church each week fills our aching, empty souls at a time when they need most to be filled up. We get hugs and loving, caring hands placed on our arms or shoulders with a reassurance that we are being prayed for and that they will "keep an ear to the ground" for any jobs. And our dear, sweet, greatly understanding Bishop reassures us the church will help us, not let us lose our house, fill our cupboards with food and then his wife hires my husband next week for 4 days as a security person for her seasonal business.
Our privileges? We live in a country where we get to vote for the person who heads up our country. That can be scary, says the moderate conservative who, although she doesn't see eye to eye with McCain, surely sees Obama's form of government - which is socialism - is not the way to go. I have a feeling Obama will be the man, though, and so I prepare now for things to become even worse in our country - just as they did when Carter (a good, Christian man) was in office and he shouldn't have been. Still, we do live in a position of freedom which is more than most people in this world can say. Our constitution was inspired by God and written by God-fearing, though not always perfectly upright, men. We are....lucky to be where we are.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Life Doesn't Move Quickly Enough When You're a Tween
We always say a prayer when we eat a meal together. When Jay was on the road, Rachel and I always said one at dinner. Since Jay's been home all week, we're eating lunch and dinner together. Jay and I usually take that prayer time to say many things in our thanks to Heavenly Father for all our blessings, similar but not as much as our family prayers. Rachel, naturally, says quite a bit less, though she's very thoughtful and thankful in hers.
So, yesterday we sat down to a lunch of grilled cheese which was a little late in the day because I was trying to take care of some things. I asked who would like to say the prayer. Rachel usually volunteers, so I thought she might like a break from it. I followed up with, "Would you like to, Daddy? Or I could?" Rachel said, "Ummm, I'm really hungry, so I think I'll just say it." We burst out laughing. Rachel said her shorter prayer and then hungrily ate lunch.
So, yesterday we sat down to a lunch of grilled cheese which was a little late in the day because I was trying to take care of some things. I asked who would like to say the prayer. Rachel usually volunteers, so I thought she might like a break from it. I followed up with, "Would you like to, Daddy? Or I could?" Rachel said, "Ummm, I'm really hungry, so I think I'll just say it." We burst out laughing. Rachel said her shorter prayer and then hungrily ate lunch.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Here We Go Again
Sometimes I wonder what horrible crime I have committed to be punished again and again. Or maybe, what horrible crime has Jay committed. Of course, it's not that. It's the luck of the draw. Or unluck of the draw. Yep, Jay lost his job today. We'd just gotten in our dental appointments, endocrinologist appointments and prescriptions and our insurance runs out at midnight tonight. He just lost the job today. And the insurance runs out at midnight. What the?!?!?!?! Whatever, loser company.
I've applied for jobs with the school district today. He's job hunting all day tomorrow. I've asked him to focus on non-driving jobs. It's time to put the skids on this scenario, I think.
Here's the deal: I'm still feeling that panicky, stressed feeling off and on, but for the most part, I am at peace. A better, safer job is about to come to him/us and this is what the Lord had to allow to make it happen. I can live with this.
I am a bit worried/sad that we will likely have to put off Rachel's birthday (end of Nov.). She wanted a movie with several friends, like Movie Tavern, and then cake and presents here. I've already warned her, though I'll try my best to pull it together for her. It sucks because it's her 12th. You know, sort of a milestone as birthday's go. But I can't change our fate.
The other worry is that we are wiped out from this happening too much over the last four years. There is no savings. There is debt - way too much of it. There is a huge student loan hanging over our heads. It feels hopeless. Yet, my faith and my heart tell me to hold fast and all will soon be well.
Well, I'm trying. At moments I feel like screaming and thrashing on the floor until it all goes away. Then I feel calm and confident that the Lord has this figured out for us. I just have to keep my faith going.
I've applied for jobs with the school district today. He's job hunting all day tomorrow. I've asked him to focus on non-driving jobs. It's time to put the skids on this scenario, I think.
Here's the deal: I'm still feeling that panicky, stressed feeling off and on, but for the most part, I am at peace. A better, safer job is about to come to him/us and this is what the Lord had to allow to make it happen. I can live with this.
I am a bit worried/sad that we will likely have to put off Rachel's birthday (end of Nov.). She wanted a movie with several friends, like Movie Tavern, and then cake and presents here. I've already warned her, though I'll try my best to pull it together for her. It sucks because it's her 12th. You know, sort of a milestone as birthday's go. But I can't change our fate.
The other worry is that we are wiped out from this happening too much over the last four years. There is no savings. There is debt - way too much of it. There is a huge student loan hanging over our heads. It feels hopeless. Yet, my faith and my heart tell me to hold fast and all will soon be well.
Well, I'm trying. At moments I feel like screaming and thrashing on the floor until it all goes away. Then I feel calm and confident that the Lord has this figured out for us. I just have to keep my faith going.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Milestones
My child. Every time I see her, an avalanche of love tumbles through my heart. When she goes away for a sleepover or off to Girl Scout camp for a night or two or three, even when she leaves out for the first day back at school after being near me all summer, a little hole pops up until she comes home. And the moment I see her, I smile. Inside and out. I love to tuck her in at night and plant a soft kiss on her cheek while she sleeps, dreaming the dream of princesses beloved and adored. I love to put my arm around her and pull her close, if only for a moment, and feel that swell of joy that pumps into my body. Life could not be more precious to me since she has come into it.
Today, we reached a milestone. Not the milestones of babyhood - the first steps, the first tooth. These are the milestones of tweens moving into teens and they are not the sweet, worry-free, oh-that's-how-it's-supposed-to-be milestones, even though that is how it's supposed to be. But they are milestones and there is a sweetness to them along with the worry. Today when I picked her up from school she stretched her hand into the window to hand me something before she got in. "What's this?" I ask. "Read it," she tells me. "It's a flower." "Ah," I say as I begin to read the penciled words around it's edge. It says, "To Rachel From Will Smith". "Oh!" I think to myself. "That's so sweet of him," I say out loud. "Do you know what this means?" she asks me in a knowing way. I smile both happy for her and dreading it, too. "Yes, I do," I answer. "He likes me," she says, all sweet and smiling and happy that some boy has chosen her above all others to give this little first crush gift to. "Yes," I say, looking off beyond her, wondering what he looks like, if he'll be kind to her, if he'll be careful with her if her heart moves into this. "First crushes are nice," I say, hoping she reads between the lines and hears that they are firsts and fleeting and never forever this early in life. Hoping she hears that she should protect her heart, her virtue, her feelings but still enjoy this next milestone, this next feeling.
I doubt at 11, nearly 12, that there is much I need to worry about. But we will spend some time this next week, Fall Break, when we are home together every day to have a very serious talk about waiting. Waiting for the first real kiss, waiting for more than holding hands and a quick, simple hug, waiting for all the things some kids move far to quickly into both these days and in my day.
I'm not really worried. She has a wonderful, firm conviction about her virtue and an understanding that she is still very young and a daughter of God to be respected. She knows her body is a temple, a sweet and precious blessing from God to be treated as the finest jewel. But she will need the tools that every young girl should be given from her mother - or when mother is not available in their lives - by some other trusted, loving woman. Her final serious words were, "Someone likes me back this time," with an amazed and pleased look on her face.
Once home, the joking started. "Daddy will want to get a shotgun now, Mama," she said. "Yes he will. But Mama won't let him. Let's just not say anything to him about this for a while, okay?" I answer. Sigh. Dads.
Today, we reached a milestone. Not the milestones of babyhood - the first steps, the first tooth. These are the milestones of tweens moving into teens and they are not the sweet, worry-free, oh-that's-how-it's-supposed-to-be milestones, even though that is how it's supposed to be. But they are milestones and there is a sweetness to them along with the worry. Today when I picked her up from school she stretched her hand into the window to hand me something before she got in. "What's this?" I ask. "Read it," she tells me. "It's a flower." "Ah," I say as I begin to read the penciled words around it's edge. It says, "To Rachel From Will Smith". "Oh!" I think to myself. "That's so sweet of him," I say out loud. "Do you know what this means?" she asks me in a knowing way. I smile both happy for her and dreading it, too. "Yes, I do," I answer. "He likes me," she says, all sweet and smiling and happy that some boy has chosen her above all others to give this little first crush gift to. "Yes," I say, looking off beyond her, wondering what he looks like, if he'll be kind to her, if he'll be careful with her if her heart moves into this. "First crushes are nice," I say, hoping she reads between the lines and hears that they are firsts and fleeting and never forever this early in life. Hoping she hears that she should protect her heart, her virtue, her feelings but still enjoy this next milestone, this next feeling.
I doubt at 11, nearly 12, that there is much I need to worry about. But we will spend some time this next week, Fall Break, when we are home together every day to have a very serious talk about waiting. Waiting for the first real kiss, waiting for more than holding hands and a quick, simple hug, waiting for all the things some kids move far to quickly into both these days and in my day.
I'm not really worried. She has a wonderful, firm conviction about her virtue and an understanding that she is still very young and a daughter of God to be respected. She knows her body is a temple, a sweet and precious blessing from God to be treated as the finest jewel. But she will need the tools that every young girl should be given from her mother - or when mother is not available in their lives - by some other trusted, loving woman. Her final serious words were, "Someone likes me back this time," with an amazed and pleased look on her face.
Once home, the joking started. "Daddy will want to get a shotgun now, Mama," she said. "Yes he will. But Mama won't let him. Let's just not say anything to him about this for a while, okay?" I answer. Sigh. Dads.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Superwoman, I Am Not
A good friend of mine keeps an on-line journal that I read regularly. Okay, several of my friends do that. But this one I have been reading for......9 years now, I think? At least, I've known her for that long. Anyway, the thing about this woman is that she is amazing. She is one of those Superwoman women. She exercises regularly (no wimpy walk around the block for her), she works two jobs, is raising two kids, finds time for her friends and parents and her journal site community. She goes and goes and goes. And I marvel at her even more because both of her jobs require nurturing others - working at a school and in a nursing home - every day. One of these jobs she's done for 15 years. Telling you about her leads to the point of my post but I have to say a bit about me first.
I am not capable of being a Superwoman. When I was younger, I think I could, though that's a guess because I wasn't a mother or wife then. I worked. I worked long hours (14-16 hour days) and sometimes took on a second job on top of that for extra cash when I wanted something expensive or to have extra money to blow on a vacation. Now I find it hard to work even a regular job and keep up with everything. Of course, I blame being fat, which is what I blame for everything imperfect in my life - lol. But in some areas, being a Superwoman is my expected role.
My friend's most recent posts hinted at feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of being a Superwoman. People come to rely on you when you are in your groove and coping with it all and seem to be able to go on this way forever. And if you're a perfectionist, that pressure becomes even more heavy. But the truth is, even the Superwomen need a break now and then. We all need support from our families. We need understanding from our friends. We need someone else to step up to bat now and then and handle things. And even for a Superwoman, that's okay. It's more than okay. It's necessary. No one can just give and give all the time and get little, or in some cases nothing, back.
For me, being Superwoman means handling the household - finances, keeping the house clean, all the cooking and baking, getting Rachel to activities, running Jay to the bus stop or all the way to work in the wee hours of the morning when the buses aren't running because it's so early, coping with breakdowns, budgeting, etc. When I hit this funk I was in and found it hard to make myself clean up the house every day, I felt very overwhelmed just with that part of life. When the funk lifted enough for me to get off my butt and start making my home a comfortable place again, I realized what a mess it was even 24 hours after I'd cleaned. Then I realized the child I'd raised to pick up after herself every day wasn't doing that anymore. And the husband I'd trained to pick up after himself (with an occasional *roll eyes* reminder) wasn't doing his part, either. No wonder it felt overwhelming.
I love the stories from church and Stephen Covey publications that are about the husband who comes home from work and steps in to care for the children for an hour while his wife makes dinner or takes the kids out to play so she can have an hour of silence and just sit and relax or sees that she needs a break and makes dinner that night. What those stories tell me is that regardless of what your "job" is, everyone needs a change, a break, in the routine. And for some women, the Superwomen, they just sometimes need some back up - somebody to clean up after themselves, someone who will come help when she's doing the dishes, someone standing up for themselves when family outside the marriage are demanding their spouses time, especially for long periods of time. Sometimes everything needs to slow down so they can just be a couple or a family or just be free of obligations for a little while.
For my friend, I don't know exactly what has been going on, but you are right to feel what you feel and to ask for and expect what you need in return from your loved ones.
And for me, maybe letting someone else take something over and see where things are is the real key.
Whatever the case, Superwomen still need a day off now and then.
I am not capable of being a Superwoman. When I was younger, I think I could, though that's a guess because I wasn't a mother or wife then. I worked. I worked long hours (14-16 hour days) and sometimes took on a second job on top of that for extra cash when I wanted something expensive or to have extra money to blow on a vacation. Now I find it hard to work even a regular job and keep up with everything. Of course, I blame being fat, which is what I blame for everything imperfect in my life - lol. But in some areas, being a Superwoman is my expected role.
My friend's most recent posts hinted at feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of being a Superwoman. People come to rely on you when you are in your groove and coping with it all and seem to be able to go on this way forever. And if you're a perfectionist, that pressure becomes even more heavy. But the truth is, even the Superwomen need a break now and then. We all need support from our families. We need understanding from our friends. We need someone else to step up to bat now and then and handle things. And even for a Superwoman, that's okay. It's more than okay. It's necessary. No one can just give and give all the time and get little, or in some cases nothing, back.
For me, being Superwoman means handling the household - finances, keeping the house clean, all the cooking and baking, getting Rachel to activities, running Jay to the bus stop or all the way to work in the wee hours of the morning when the buses aren't running because it's so early, coping with breakdowns, budgeting, etc. When I hit this funk I was in and found it hard to make myself clean up the house every day, I felt very overwhelmed just with that part of life. When the funk lifted enough for me to get off my butt and start making my home a comfortable place again, I realized what a mess it was even 24 hours after I'd cleaned. Then I realized the child I'd raised to pick up after herself every day wasn't doing that anymore. And the husband I'd trained to pick up after himself (with an occasional *roll eyes* reminder) wasn't doing his part, either. No wonder it felt overwhelming.
I love the stories from church and Stephen Covey publications that are about the husband who comes home from work and steps in to care for the children for an hour while his wife makes dinner or takes the kids out to play so she can have an hour of silence and just sit and relax or sees that she needs a break and makes dinner that night. What those stories tell me is that regardless of what your "job" is, everyone needs a change, a break, in the routine. And for some women, the Superwomen, they just sometimes need some back up - somebody to clean up after themselves, someone who will come help when she's doing the dishes, someone standing up for themselves when family outside the marriage are demanding their spouses time, especially for long periods of time. Sometimes everything needs to slow down so they can just be a couple or a family or just be free of obligations for a little while.
For my friend, I don't know exactly what has been going on, but you are right to feel what you feel and to ask for and expect what you need in return from your loved ones.
And for me, maybe letting someone else take something over and see where things are is the real key.
Whatever the case, Superwomen still need a day off now and then.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Observations
I'm a month behind on reading O (Oprah) Magazine. Okay, I'm about a month behind on everything. But back to my point.....
I was reading all these articles about breast cancer - awareness, survivors, scares, ect. - and I noticed that pretty much all the married women retained their maiden names. I find that odd. I mean, you see this now and then and I suppose more often with professional women, but....what gives? I went from a very average, no one misspells it name to my husband's everyone misspells it and even pronounces it wrong name. And I'm glad I did. I liked making that commitment in a public, permanent way. I admire Courtney Cox Arquette who added her husband's last name to hers when she married - even though she was established and famous. I guess I get this even less than couples who live together for 20 years and never get married. What's the big deal?
So, is it this: "Oh, just in case we don't manage to make it work, there will be a LOT less paperwork on my side," or "No one would know who I am if I changed my name (because I'm so popular, of course)," or maybe "I don't want to be associated with his family". Okay, well the last one might be stretching it. But if you don't take his name because it would be a lot of work "when" the divorce happens, why did you marry? And if you're that popular, don't you think people will still know it's you? No one was confused about Courtney. And don't get me started on how you figure out a child's last name in these circumstances.
To each his own, of course, and I'd never want to impose my ideas on someone or make it a rule or a law, but it just screams, "I'm not committed to this relationship" to me. And in a world where so much divorce occurs, maybe taking that one extra step might help make the commitment seem more vital or real. Well, maybe not, too. I guess it depends on how things go.
I was reading all these articles about breast cancer - awareness, survivors, scares, ect. - and I noticed that pretty much all the married women retained their maiden names. I find that odd. I mean, you see this now and then and I suppose more often with professional women, but....what gives? I went from a very average, no one misspells it name to my husband's everyone misspells it and even pronounces it wrong name. And I'm glad I did. I liked making that commitment in a public, permanent way. I admire Courtney Cox Arquette who added her husband's last name to hers when she married - even though she was established and famous. I guess I get this even less than couples who live together for 20 years and never get married. What's the big deal?
So, is it this: "Oh, just in case we don't manage to make it work, there will be a LOT less paperwork on my side," or "No one would know who I am if I changed my name (because I'm so popular, of course)," or maybe "I don't want to be associated with his family". Okay, well the last one might be stretching it. But if you don't take his name because it would be a lot of work "when" the divorce happens, why did you marry? And if you're that popular, don't you think people will still know it's you? No one was confused about Courtney. And don't get me started on how you figure out a child's last name in these circumstances.
To each his own, of course, and I'd never want to impose my ideas on someone or make it a rule or a law, but it just screams, "I'm not committed to this relationship" to me. And in a world where so much divorce occurs, maybe taking that one extra step might help make the commitment seem more vital or real. Well, maybe not, too. I guess it depends on how things go.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
You Know Those Moms Who.....
I never wanted to be one of those mom's that push their kids. I think for the most part I have really stepped away from that even though it has felt so important that Rachel bring in good grades by doing her very best. But I've noticed I'm getting more and more harsh on my daughter over her grades at school.
Here's the deal: She's in all advanced classes. She's in them because she's smart and she's finally getting some real challenges in school. She's had straight A's most of the time so far this year. However, lately the grades have started to drop somewhat (to B's in 2 classes and some A+'s down to A's). I'm trying hard to figure it out and, thankfully, the district provides this amazing internet system called Power School which has allowed me to check and follow up on grades on a daily basis. But it's also made me into "one of those".
Here's what we've figured out: Rachel LOVES to read. It is rare to see her without a book in her hands. She reads at every opportunity in school. She is supposed to read for 10 minutes in Language Arts and for all of Literacy Block. But she's also into her book during classes anytime she thinks she's got spare time. Okay. That's fine. But she's missing turning in work because she's not listening to the teachers tell them to turn things in. Also, she just gets unorganized (which is why she's in AVID and Approaches to Learning) and then can't locate papers she needs to turn in. They go in late and so she only gets 1/2 credit.
What that means: She is totally capable of doing better than she is. She is totally capable of bringing in ALL A's at the very least and probably all A+'s.
What I've done: I'm in e-mail touch with her teachers every time something like this happens. I've taken all computer privileges from her on school nights. I make her go through her homework notebook every morning to remind her what needs to be turned in. Now I will begin adding having her look at Power School herself every night to see what is due and make a record of it. I've also asked for advice from her teachers. They probably think I'm a tyrant. And I sort of feel like one. But I know kids who begin to fail and parents who blow it off end up ruining their school careers. That scares me. We won't likely have the money to pay for college for her (to my shame) and I don't want her to start life out with a bunch of education debts. I keep hoping for a scholarship, an academic one, when she graduates. Even if it's just a partial. So I want her to do as well as she can - as well as I know she is capable of. But I don't want to defeat her by being on her all the time about it, either.
Guess I could use come parenting advice from someone who's been there - if you'd care to throw in your two cents worth. I hope I'm not taking out my stress and frustration with our financial situation on her over school, too. I'm trying to pull in and run a check on myself. I want her to be happy and feel great about her accomplishments - that's all I really want.
Here's the deal: She's in all advanced classes. She's in them because she's smart and she's finally getting some real challenges in school. She's had straight A's most of the time so far this year. However, lately the grades have started to drop somewhat (to B's in 2 classes and some A+'s down to A's). I'm trying hard to figure it out and, thankfully, the district provides this amazing internet system called Power School which has allowed me to check and follow up on grades on a daily basis. But it's also made me into "one of those".
Here's what we've figured out: Rachel LOVES to read. It is rare to see her without a book in her hands. She reads at every opportunity in school. She is supposed to read for 10 minutes in Language Arts and for all of Literacy Block. But she's also into her book during classes anytime she thinks she's got spare time. Okay. That's fine. But she's missing turning in work because she's not listening to the teachers tell them to turn things in. Also, she just gets unorganized (which is why she's in AVID and Approaches to Learning) and then can't locate papers she needs to turn in. They go in late and so she only gets 1/2 credit.
What that means: She is totally capable of doing better than she is. She is totally capable of bringing in ALL A's at the very least and probably all A+'s.
What I've done: I'm in e-mail touch with her teachers every time something like this happens. I've taken all computer privileges from her on school nights. I make her go through her homework notebook every morning to remind her what needs to be turned in. Now I will begin adding having her look at Power School herself every night to see what is due and make a record of it. I've also asked for advice from her teachers. They probably think I'm a tyrant. And I sort of feel like one. But I know kids who begin to fail and parents who blow it off end up ruining their school careers. That scares me. We won't likely have the money to pay for college for her (to my shame) and I don't want her to start life out with a bunch of education debts. I keep hoping for a scholarship, an academic one, when she graduates. Even if it's just a partial. So I want her to do as well as she can - as well as I know she is capable of. But I don't want to defeat her by being on her all the time about it, either.
Guess I could use come parenting advice from someone who's been there - if you'd care to throw in your two cents worth. I hope I'm not taking out my stress and frustration with our financial situation on her over school, too. I'm trying to pull in and run a check on myself. I want her to be happy and feel great about her accomplishments - that's all I really want.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Thoughts After Conference
For my non-Mormon friends, twice a year our church has what is called General Conference (most of you have heard me talk about it at one time or another). It begins on Saturday afternoon with a two hour session, then two sessions on Sunday - one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Instead of attending church, we either watch General Conference on our televisions (if you have a satellite dish or cable and the BYUTV station is carried), or attend a stake center where you can catch the broadcast. Many thousands are lucky enough to actually travel to Salt Lake City, if they don't already reside there, as see it live. At these conferences, our Prophet, his two counselors and other leaders of our church speak to us. Every year there are many quotes that touch my heart, many talks that speak to me and many things I am reminded of or encouraged to be better at in my daily life. This year I noted a few great quotes I'd like to share.
'Be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled, will disappear all too soon...and that you will, to your surprise, miss them, profoundly."--Thomas S. Monson (Prophet and President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Also by President Monson: "There is no tomorrow to remember if we don't do something today." and "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." And after saying his wife was a "showaholic" (I think that was the term he used) he gave a quote from the musical 'The Music Man' - "If you pile up enough tomorrows, you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays."
"Faith is not only a feeling; it is a decision." Elder Neil L. Andersen, Presidency of the Quorum of the Seventy.
Here are several I liked by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor to President Thomas S. Monson: "Hope is a gift of the Spirit." and "No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today...we can have hope in the Savior." And a few more: "The things we hope FOR lead us to faith, while the things we hope IN lead us to charity." "Present circumstances will give way to future blessings." "Hope is manifested in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm and patient perseverance."
Two by Elder Jeffery R. Holland, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: "Angels are not always seen--but seen or unseen they are always near." and "Not all angels are on the other side of the veil."
Two by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: "For every tear shed in sorrow will be replaced by one hundred tears of joy for those who follow Christ." and "The next time you are tempted to groan, try a laugh instead."
Elder Robert D. Hales, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said these two: "We're always better off staying on the higher ground of mutual respect and love." and "Meekness is not weakness, it is the badge of Christian Courage."
Elaine S. Dalton, Young Women General President gave these notable quotes: "In the strength of the Lord I can do ALL things." and "You be the one to stand for right even if you stand alone." (I LOVED that one) and this next one made me laugh - as did she after saying it: "young people...ever texting and never coming to a knowledge of the truth." Also, a quote from marathon champion Juma Ikangaa (President Dalton is a marathon runner) "The will to win is nothing without the will to prepare to win."
"He's not asking us to die a martyr's death, he's asking us to live a disciple's life." --Elder M. Russell Ballard, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:"As we have inherited the spirit of liberty and the fire of patriotism from our fathers, so let them descend unchanged down to our posterity."
"The interest, attention, and care we show towards our brethren is a profound manifestation of love towards our Heavenly Father." --Elder Eduardo Gavarret, Quorum of the Seventy.
Elder Carlos Godoy, Quorum of the Seventy: "To receive the witness of the still small voice sometimes can have a stronger impact on our testimonies than the visit of an angel."
"We are not going to suffer any more than is for our good." --Elder Quentin L. Cook, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
Most of these I got either listening to the talks over the weekend or listening to them on-line over the last two days and a few from another blog I read where others noted them. Regardless, I know they are words from wise leaders of our church and I'm grateful to have the opportunity to hear them again and again as I desire with our technologically advanced world.
'Be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled, will disappear all too soon...and that you will, to your surprise, miss them, profoundly."--Thomas S. Monson (Prophet and President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Also by President Monson: "There is no tomorrow to remember if we don't do something today." and "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." And after saying his wife was a "showaholic" (I think that was the term he used) he gave a quote from the musical 'The Music Man' - "If you pile up enough tomorrows, you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays."
"Faith is not only a feeling; it is a decision." Elder Neil L. Andersen, Presidency of the Quorum of the Seventy.
Here are several I liked by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor to President Thomas S. Monson: "Hope is a gift of the Spirit." and "No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today...we can have hope in the Savior." And a few more: "The things we hope FOR lead us to faith, while the things we hope IN lead us to charity." "Present circumstances will give way to future blessings." "Hope is manifested in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm and patient perseverance."
Two by Elder Jeffery R. Holland, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: "Angels are not always seen--but seen or unseen they are always near." and "Not all angels are on the other side of the veil."
Two by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: "For every tear shed in sorrow will be replaced by one hundred tears of joy for those who follow Christ." and "The next time you are tempted to groan, try a laugh instead."
Elder Robert D. Hales, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said these two: "We're always better off staying on the higher ground of mutual respect and love." and "Meekness is not weakness, it is the badge of Christian Courage."
Elaine S. Dalton, Young Women General President gave these notable quotes: "In the strength of the Lord I can do ALL things." and "You be the one to stand for right even if you stand alone." (I LOVED that one) and this next one made me laugh - as did she after saying it: "young people...ever texting and never coming to a knowledge of the truth." Also, a quote from marathon champion Juma Ikangaa (President Dalton is a marathon runner) "The will to win is nothing without the will to prepare to win."
"He's not asking us to die a martyr's death, he's asking us to live a disciple's life." --Elder M. Russell Ballard, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:"As we have inherited the spirit of liberty and the fire of patriotism from our fathers, so let them descend unchanged down to our posterity."
"The interest, attention, and care we show towards our brethren is a profound manifestation of love towards our Heavenly Father." --Elder Eduardo Gavarret, Quorum of the Seventy.
Elder Carlos Godoy, Quorum of the Seventy: "To receive the witness of the still small voice sometimes can have a stronger impact on our testimonies than the visit of an angel."
"We are not going to suffer any more than is for our good." --Elder Quentin L. Cook, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
Most of these I got either listening to the talks over the weekend or listening to them on-line over the last two days and a few from another blog I read where others noted them. Regardless, I know they are words from wise leaders of our church and I'm grateful to have the opportunity to hear them again and again as I desire with our technologically advanced world.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Say What???
My friend, whom I call T for short, is a tall, loud and proud black woman. She is every parent's nightmare as the crossing guard at the grade school but if you're ever in a fight, she's the one you want standing beside you. Anyway, despite her sometimes gruff exterior, she has a heart of gold and would give you the shirt off her back if you needed help. She lived in our townhouse complex for over a year and recently moved when that rental went into foreclosure. Moving into her new house, she was unloading her "truck", a Ford Explorer, and came out to find that within just a few minutes of walking inside with boxes, putting them in appropriate rooms and coming back out, someone had cut the wires to her speaker (actually a sub-woofer) and stolen it. She was MAD and you don't want to see her mad. She called the police and was transferred to an officer to take the report. She explained what happened, said they looked around and hadn't seen anyone right around them but there were some young men hanging around down further from her townhouse. The officer was rather rude to her and one of his questions was, "What race are you?" She said, "What?!?!?!?" And he foolishly responded, "Well, are you black?" Her response changed how he was talking to her and made him apologize when she answered him, "Yeah, but if it will get someone over here quicker, I'm a white lady today!" Gotta love it.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Middle School Shining
This is what I hoped would be. Rachel first made it into all advanced classes - including in math. We are thrilled because especially for the last two years, she's been bored in Language Arts. Now she is workin' it! Then she made the Drama Club and a part in the upcoming play. Today she made it on to the newspaper team as the "fantasy writer" and gets a "press pass" lanyard!! This is so right up her ally. She's been writing fantasy stories - even working on a book - since she was old enough to write with any sense. Now she'll have her stories published in the school paper (and she can use that one day when she does decide to publish a book). She is so shining in middle school. I am so proud of her and so thrilled for her being thrilled.
As for Jay and the job situation - well, things have moved to a place where we "sort of" know what's up. He actually had yet another accident. Of course, they are all small (with the exception of one) and never injure anyone (thank You, God) but they can cost him his job. The first 10 years of our marriage he had the same job and had one or two accidents over that entire period of time. Mind you, these were small, not involving any other vehicles. Some things considered "accidents", and Jay had one of these, is hitting a car with a hand cart (you know, a dolly) and leaving a mark. So not even behind the wheel of the truck. When I say accidents, I'm not saying he's been hitting other vehicles and endangering anyone. But, this last one did involve another vehicle and was not a smart move on his part but also appears to have been partially the fault of the other driver. Nevertheless, the damage was minimal. It was up in the air whether or not he would still have his job. But, again Thank You God, he does. They've decided to make him a local/regional driver. What that means is he will do local driving most of the time while the frieght is high in Colorado and will do some regional, which means out overnight and home again the next day. So he will be home a lot more than he has been. That is a great relief to me. I'm hoping, though not sure, that it will limit his ability to take "advances" on his checks, thereby causing us great financial strain. He will be home when something happens here that I need help with. I'll have a partner I can speak to face to face rather than always over the phone. Rachel will have her father present in her life again. Still, I feel as though I live on the edge of a breakdown because I have been living in a constant state of stress and worry since he lost his first job after ten years because of a terrible, thought out act against co-worker. It shell-shocks you. I have had it constantly on my mind, wondering if he was going to have another accident. Wondering if he's going to lose his job. Wondering if he does, can he find another. Wondering if one more hit via employment will be the last one he can take. And my shoulders feel the pressure of it. It niggles at the back of my mind that it's going to be up to me. I NEED to find a way to make my book good enough to publish and make enough money to pay off our debt. If I can't/don't, I must give up being the mother I have desired to be, longed for, prayed for and go to work full time. There is no one to take up the slack at home if I do this. Jay can't. He can't cope with it added to whatever else he must cope with. I don't have parents healthy enough and nearby enough to step up to help. I don't have siblings around to help. I've not really taken advantage of having lots of child care trading - because I didn't need it or want it. I was so thrilled to be blessed with our daughter, my heart ached when I was away from her until I finally had to grown up when she went to school. I don't know if that was healthy. I don't really care. She's turned out better than I could hope for so far and I know she will be a wonder when she is grown up. And she is my one shot, my only opportunity, to be a great mom. I don't want to fail that. It being up to me has always been the way it is in our marriage. But when we first married, I was strong from being single and either self-supporting or mostly self-supporting since I was 14 years old. I'd not had any debt for 7 or 8 years when we met, he came into the marriage unemployed (he started his job the day after we got married) and with $20,000.00 plus in debt. I/we paid it off in a little over a year living off one of our incomes and using every penny of the other to pay off the debt (well, and pay for our upcoming honeymoon a few months later). As the marriage went on and I was no longer the bread winner and slowly began to no longer even bring in any income, I released much of the control of the finances. It proved to be a mistake and it has been a difficult, if not impossible, climb back into the driver's seat. I have done my best and I have done my share of damage. Lots of mistakes were made that just dug us in deeper and deeper. So now we just have to find a way out. If I go to work full time, it will take us many, many years, so it would be a very long term deal and I'm not done raising my child. If I can sell my book for a decent amount and it sells well, too, I can pay this stuff off soon and place us in a much better position to cope with any job loss or difficulty that comes up. So I just keep praying, taking these friggin' meds I wish I didn't need because that's not who I really am, and planning the best I can with what little control I have. And still, my heart aches for this man I opened up to and love despite what else is there. Because what kind of a mother, wife, LDS woman, friend, daughter of my parents and daughter of God could I be if I didn't forgive what needs to be forgiven?
As for Jay and the job situation - well, things have moved to a place where we "sort of" know what's up. He actually had yet another accident. Of course, they are all small (with the exception of one) and never injure anyone (thank You, God) but they can cost him his job. The first 10 years of our marriage he had the same job and had one or two accidents over that entire period of time. Mind you, these were small, not involving any other vehicles. Some things considered "accidents", and Jay had one of these, is hitting a car with a hand cart (you know, a dolly) and leaving a mark. So not even behind the wheel of the truck. When I say accidents, I'm not saying he's been hitting other vehicles and endangering anyone. But, this last one did involve another vehicle and was not a smart move on his part but also appears to have been partially the fault of the other driver. Nevertheless, the damage was minimal. It was up in the air whether or not he would still have his job. But, again Thank You God, he does. They've decided to make him a local/regional driver. What that means is he will do local driving most of the time while the frieght is high in Colorado and will do some regional, which means out overnight and home again the next day. So he will be home a lot more than he has been. That is a great relief to me. I'm hoping, though not sure, that it will limit his ability to take "advances" on his checks, thereby causing us great financial strain. He will be home when something happens here that I need help with. I'll have a partner I can speak to face to face rather than always over the phone. Rachel will have her father present in her life again. Still, I feel as though I live on the edge of a breakdown because I have been living in a constant state of stress and worry since he lost his first job after ten years because of a terrible, thought out act against co-worker. It shell-shocks you. I have had it constantly on my mind, wondering if he was going to have another accident. Wondering if he's going to lose his job. Wondering if he does, can he find another. Wondering if one more hit via employment will be the last one he can take. And my shoulders feel the pressure of it. It niggles at the back of my mind that it's going to be up to me. I NEED to find a way to make my book good enough to publish and make enough money to pay off our debt. If I can't/don't, I must give up being the mother I have desired to be, longed for, prayed for and go to work full time. There is no one to take up the slack at home if I do this. Jay can't. He can't cope with it added to whatever else he must cope with. I don't have parents healthy enough and nearby enough to step up to help. I don't have siblings around to help. I've not really taken advantage of having lots of child care trading - because I didn't need it or want it. I was so thrilled to be blessed with our daughter, my heart ached when I was away from her until I finally had to grown up when she went to school. I don't know if that was healthy. I don't really care. She's turned out better than I could hope for so far and I know she will be a wonder when she is grown up. And she is my one shot, my only opportunity, to be a great mom. I don't want to fail that. It being up to me has always been the way it is in our marriage. But when we first married, I was strong from being single and either self-supporting or mostly self-supporting since I was 14 years old. I'd not had any debt for 7 or 8 years when we met, he came into the marriage unemployed (he started his job the day after we got married) and with $20,000.00 plus in debt. I/we paid it off in a little over a year living off one of our incomes and using every penny of the other to pay off the debt (well, and pay for our upcoming honeymoon a few months later). As the marriage went on and I was no longer the bread winner and slowly began to no longer even bring in any income, I released much of the control of the finances. It proved to be a mistake and it has been a difficult, if not impossible, climb back into the driver's seat. I have done my best and I have done my share of damage. Lots of mistakes were made that just dug us in deeper and deeper. So now we just have to find a way out. If I go to work full time, it will take us many, many years, so it would be a very long term deal and I'm not done raising my child. If I can sell my book for a decent amount and it sells well, too, I can pay this stuff off soon and place us in a much better position to cope with any job loss or difficulty that comes up. So I just keep praying, taking these friggin' meds I wish I didn't need because that's not who I really am, and planning the best I can with what little control I have. And still, my heart aches for this man I opened up to and love despite what else is there. Because what kind of a mother, wife, LDS woman, friend, daughter of my parents and daughter of God could I be if I didn't forgive what needs to be forgiven?
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Quick Update
Rachel tried out for the Drama Club. Two Friday's ago, she got in the car after some auditions and burst into tears, certain she would not make it in to the play. But the following Monday, she found out she had a small part as a nurse to Toad in an adaptation of The Wind in The Willows. This play is called "The Mad Adventures of Mr. Toad". She was thrilled and she's made some new friends in Drama Club, particularly a couple of boys that she's befriended. Of course, we aren't telling Daddy she's got boys for friends.....lol. Aside from that, things are going pretty well for her.
I've been a bit down in the dumps and couldn't bring myself out of it. When I had to go to the Dr. for a physical because she prescribes my blood pressure medication, I mentioned what had been going on. After a blood test ruled out other factors, she believes it's situational depression and gave me some mild meds for it. Living with a spouse with chronic depression, I kind of knew that's what it was. But already, four days later, I'm feeling a little better and as the weeks pass, I'll improve even more.
Lots going on with Jay and his job and it's left us up in the air for now and I just can't cope with even typing it all down. Hopefully, the best of the possibilities will come about. So if you pray, please do so for us.
That's about all that's coming out of my brain for now.
I've been a bit down in the dumps and couldn't bring myself out of it. When I had to go to the Dr. for a physical because she prescribes my blood pressure medication, I mentioned what had been going on. After a blood test ruled out other factors, she believes it's situational depression and gave me some mild meds for it. Living with a spouse with chronic depression, I kind of knew that's what it was. But already, four days later, I'm feeling a little better and as the weeks pass, I'll improve even more.
Lots going on with Jay and his job and it's left us up in the air for now and I just can't cope with even typing it all down. Hopefully, the best of the possibilities will come about. So if you pray, please do so for us.
That's about all that's coming out of my brain for now.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Nothing to Say
I looked at my blog and realized it had been quite a while since I posted anything. But I'm a bit run down, overly tired, a little bummed out lately and it's been hard to think of anything, let alone keep this blog going. So, a little break never hurt anyone.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
??????
Sometimes, if I read old posts and the order they are in, I sound insane. Or moody, at the very least.......
Friday, September 12, 2008
Moving 9-11 Posts I Read
I try not to focus too much on 9-11. I usually let the day go by without watching any news and without really thinking much about it anymore. That's because it always makes me cry - even 7 years later. So this year was no different (except as a Menopause Madam I am more apt to cry even than before *roll eyes*). Today I decided to catch up on my blogs that I read and came across this one with these two posts:
http://lightrefreshmentsserved.com/2008/09/11/thoughts-of-911/
http://lightrefreshmentsserved.com/2008/09/11/a-little-gingkoba-wouldnt-hurt-either/#comments
I found some peace in both of them. They were reassuring. And of course they made me cry. But they both just the right thing for remembering 9-11 for me.
http://lightrefreshmentsserved.com/2008/09/11/thoughts-of-911/
http://lightrefreshmentsserved.com/2008/09/11/a-little-gingkoba-wouldnt-hurt-either/#comments
I found some peace in both of them. They were reassuring. And of course they made me cry. But they both just the right thing for remembering 9-11 for me.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Moooaaannnn
I'm sick as a dog right now. Head stuffed, sinuses killing me, headache, coughing and whizzing, body aches, etc. I'm miserable. Hopefully anything I write today makes sense, but if not, just blame the drugs.
Rachel had a camp out sleepover on Friday night. She had the best time, despite the fact it was only around 50 degrees at 9 p.m. They started at 5:45 on Friday night with pizza for dinner and then cookie decorating. They set up the tents (the dad and brother slept in one and the girls in the other - the mom slept inside). Then they stayed up until midnight. At 5 a.m., our phone rang. It was just Rachel saying good morning. Apparently all the girls called their parents on a cell phone at 5 a.m. Hahaha, it was so funny - NOT! But a little cute and ornery. Then on Saturday morning they went to Home Depot for a craft project, which is apparently for Jay's upcoming birthday so we haven't seen it yet. Not surprising to me that she can keep this secret until October 10th. She's pretty good at that. Maybe I should worry about that being she's becoming a teen.....
Anyway, I started getting sick on Saturday. Rachel's cough/cold was a little worse, but we all rested on Sunday and she was good to go on Monday for school. Thankfully, Jay was home to take her and pick her up from school because I was clearly not very capable. He even went in to work a little later and took her to swim practice for me so the chlorine wouldn't aggravate my asthma which is giving me trouble because of whatever this stuff is. I didn't have it in me to even walk her to the bus today, so I drove her to school instead.
Last week, she went to Drama Club to try out. The teacher had told me they come in and read one small part of the script and that's all but he had her read 3 different parts and wants her back today to read some more. It sounds like she's certainly in. But we'll see for sure after today. And she told me for one part, she used her English accent which is way cute. She's really excited about it, though initially she thought she didn't want to do it because in Destination Imagination she got to help write the play. However, once there to try out, she realized how much fun it would be and now she can't wait to do the play and wants the lead part. I love that she's so excited about it. I gave her one reminder this morning, so I hope she remembers to go right after school. I still worry about her keeping everything straight in her mind.
Okay, I'm beat and need to go back to sleep again.
Rachel had a camp out sleepover on Friday night. She had the best time, despite the fact it was only around 50 degrees at 9 p.m. They started at 5:45 on Friday night with pizza for dinner and then cookie decorating. They set up the tents (the dad and brother slept in one and the girls in the other - the mom slept inside). Then they stayed up until midnight. At 5 a.m., our phone rang. It was just Rachel saying good morning. Apparently all the girls called their parents on a cell phone at 5 a.m. Hahaha, it was so funny - NOT! But a little cute and ornery. Then on Saturday morning they went to Home Depot for a craft project, which is apparently for Jay's upcoming birthday so we haven't seen it yet. Not surprising to me that she can keep this secret until October 10th. She's pretty good at that. Maybe I should worry about that being she's becoming a teen.....
Anyway, I started getting sick on Saturday. Rachel's cough/cold was a little worse, but we all rested on Sunday and she was good to go on Monday for school. Thankfully, Jay was home to take her and pick her up from school because I was clearly not very capable. He even went in to work a little later and took her to swim practice for me so the chlorine wouldn't aggravate my asthma which is giving me trouble because of whatever this stuff is. I didn't have it in me to even walk her to the bus today, so I drove her to school instead.
Last week, she went to Drama Club to try out. The teacher had told me they come in and read one small part of the script and that's all but he had her read 3 different parts and wants her back today to read some more. It sounds like she's certainly in. But we'll see for sure after today. And she told me for one part, she used her English accent which is way cute. She's really excited about it, though initially she thought she didn't want to do it because in Destination Imagination she got to help write the play. However, once there to try out, she realized how much fun it would be and now she can't wait to do the play and wants the lead part. I love that she's so excited about it. I gave her one reminder this morning, so I hope she remembers to go right after school. I still worry about her keeping everything straight in her mind.
Okay, I'm beat and need to go back to sleep again.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Politics and It's Old Game of Bashing
I'm married to Political Man. He loves politics, loves debating them with me though not so much anyone else - but then I pretty much, in most areas, agree with him so it's not a challenge, listens to talk radio about it (he's a trucker so has lots of time for talk radio), reads quite a bit about it and seeks out several arenas to get his information. Not so much my cup of tea - this living and breathing politics. Why? Because I find the bashing of the politician and ignorance of others/voters to be appalling. And I'm not just talking about the bashing of the politicians or their parties toward each other. I'm also talking about small minded, condemning people bashing them for whatever reason. It's very difficult to listen to someone speak about politics when they've only gotten their info from the liberal nightly news. It's hard to listen to people who think half-truths are full truths. It's hard to have people blinded by the bashing of one political party to another. I never believe the ads I see or what I read/hear on newscasts, newspapers, agenda set internet info pages, etc. Although I don't live it like my husband does, I pay attention and follow up on accusations and promises - what's the politician's record and, even more importantly, WHY did they vote this way or that. You can't expect the truth - not from the guy you think you want to vote for and not from the media pushing their own agenda. Oh, and over and above all these - you CANNOT in any way, shape or form, assume Hollywood knows what they are talking about. Good grief, they don't even LIVE in the real world. How can they know what real life is like? Well, they don't. So, here's what is burning me:
You're a Dem and you don't like McCain but you especially don't like his choice of running mate. You hear on the news her 17 year old daughter is pregnant by her boyfriend. You hear Palin is a religious person. You seek out anything condemnable about that situation. Talk show hosts (particularly night time ones), news media and comments on blogs, news pages, etc all slam this little girl and Palin over this dilemma the girl finds herself in. Oh, so you never had pre-marital sex? Well, if you're NOT jumping down Palin or her daughter's throat, you probably never did have pre-marital sex. So you're bashing religious beliefs and the fact that someone who calls themselves Christian has done something or had something occur in their lives that is imperfect. You call them pathetic or hypocrites. You say they are too terrifying to allow close to the presidency because they are religious. This only shows how little you know about faith, religion, striving to be a good person, committing yourself to a religious belief and striving to do your best - and I could go on. But what did you say about Obama's religion issues - being a member of a bigotry run church for over 20 years? Have you ever known anyone who left a church because they didn't/couldn't agree with what was being spewed at the pulpit? That's what most people do. You stay when you, at least, mostly agree with what's being said. Now THAT'S scary.
At this point, it's obvious I'm a Republican. And proud of it. I can't say I'm thrilled with our current president. I can't say I agree with everything going on in the party. But if we really want change - change that Obama rants about but can't speak about without it written out for him - we need to start looking at who/what we are allowing to represent us in Washington overall. The reason our politics stink is because we put people who stink there. Now we have to lie in the bed we made. We allow the immoral, unethical, detrimental behaviors and passing of bad laws or tossed in "extras" and then pretend it didn't happen. Years later, we want to complain about it. Maybe we should have thought it through before it happened. That's a novel thought.
So that's my political rant. It's shorter than it should be to get my point across, but it's all I've got in me today. I just hope people start opening their eyes and take responsibility for the mess we've made.
You're a Dem and you don't like McCain but you especially don't like his choice of running mate. You hear on the news her 17 year old daughter is pregnant by her boyfriend. You hear Palin is a religious person. You seek out anything condemnable about that situation. Talk show hosts (particularly night time ones), news media and comments on blogs, news pages, etc all slam this little girl and Palin over this dilemma the girl finds herself in. Oh, so you never had pre-marital sex? Well, if you're NOT jumping down Palin or her daughter's throat, you probably never did have pre-marital sex. So you're bashing religious beliefs and the fact that someone who calls themselves Christian has done something or had something occur in their lives that is imperfect. You call them pathetic or hypocrites. You say they are too terrifying to allow close to the presidency because they are religious. This only shows how little you know about faith, religion, striving to be a good person, committing yourself to a religious belief and striving to do your best - and I could go on. But what did you say about Obama's religion issues - being a member of a bigotry run church for over 20 years? Have you ever known anyone who left a church because they didn't/couldn't agree with what was being spewed at the pulpit? That's what most people do. You stay when you, at least, mostly agree with what's being said. Now THAT'S scary.
At this point, it's obvious I'm a Republican. And proud of it. I can't say I'm thrilled with our current president. I can't say I agree with everything going on in the party. But if we really want change - change that Obama rants about but can't speak about without it written out for him - we need to start looking at who/what we are allowing to represent us in Washington overall. The reason our politics stink is because we put people who stink there. Now we have to lie in the bed we made. We allow the immoral, unethical, detrimental behaviors and passing of bad laws or tossed in "extras" and then pretend it didn't happen. Years later, we want to complain about it. Maybe we should have thought it through before it happened. That's a novel thought.
So that's my political rant. It's shorter than it should be to get my point across, but it's all I've got in me today. I just hope people start opening their eyes and take responsibility for the mess we've made.
A Lie Can Bring Down the Whole Thing
I've been in a situation for 14 years of having someone closest in the world to me be continuously dishonest with me. It's bled into many aspects of our relationship and it's caused a distrust that just never goes away now. I'm not sure what to do or how to handle it, but it's caused a good deal of financial and emotional stress in my life and I'm just weary. The lying began at the very beginning of the relationship, which I wasn't aware of for several years, and just continued. Sometimes over very small things, but the first known lie, had I known at that time, would have been a deal breaker - I would have never considered the relationship any further. So now I'm in a place where I have to wonder how much of what's said is truth and how much is lie because although some things are lies over VERY big issues, some are lies over the most ridiculous things. Every word out of this person's mouth becomes something to distrust. That's not to say they lie all the time. They don't. And oddly, lying to others in any way, for any reason, is a reason for this person to be distraught. I've just got no idea what to make of it. Or where to go from here. I guess I just have to be on guard and distrust everything until proven, which is a really lousy way to have to be.
The most recent lying episode has taken a huge financial toll on us. Somehow, it is in my hands to repair that damage and all I can do is do without more. I'm not very happy about it and I can't resolve it - only this person can. I just keep praying circumstances change so that the financial aspect of it is not capable of being damaged.
The most recent lying episode has taken a huge financial toll on us. Somehow, it is in my hands to repair that damage and all I can do is do without more. I'm not very happy about it and I can't resolve it - only this person can. I just keep praying circumstances change so that the financial aspect of it is not capable of being damaged.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
My Old Life
When Jay and I married, I worked full time (plus) for an insurance company. I'd been an adjuster for eight years and was really good at it, if I may say so myself. But it's a stressful job where people threaten to "come down there and shoot you", sue you personally, shout obscenities to you all day and cry hysterically (and occasionally you had to deal with real tragedy that tore your heart out). When we were having trouble getting pregnant, my doctor suggested it could be partially related to my job stress. So we took a huge leap of faith and I quit my job and started an in home daycare. It was about a $30,000 to $35,000 drop in income. But, sure enough, we got pregnant a few months later. For some time, I became a stay at home mom. I LOVED it. It was wonderful to see everything new my daughter did. Having done daycare, I knew what it was like to have your baby roll over, crawl, walk, etc for the first time for someone else, though I always lied to the mom of the baby boy I watched and said he hadn't done it here yet, but looked like he might at any time. I only gave her the heads up because the first two things he did for me, she didn't even notice at home for over a week and I knew he must be doing them because it was constant here. Sure enough, if I told her to keep an eye out, she'd tell me Monday morning that he'd done it all weekend long. Anyway, I loved knowing I was the one seeing my baby for the first time. When she entered 2nd grade, I had to help financially and worked at home as a medical transcriptionist. I hated it. It was stressful and I was lucky to get three hours of sleep a night on weekdays. I did that for about a year until I got laid off as the last one hired (other than the owner's daughter) when she lost a huge account because of another employee's fraud. Then I worked part-time at Rachel's school - first as a Parent Liaison for the Title I program for two years. The second year, I picked up being a crossing guard and a sub for any teacher's aides that were out sick. The third year, I gave up the Title I job, did the crossing guard job for a few months and was a full time TA. It was a killer on my messed up feet, so I dropped the crossing guard job. Alas, it was still a killer on my feet. The school year ended and life here at home was crazy because I had a school year's worth of mess to catch up on. So, what's the point of this post? I'm back at home. I'm just writing, the one thing in this world I absolutely and totally love to do. I can keep my house up. I have my old life back. I don't know for how long, hopefully for good, but I'm enjoying every second of it.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Day 3 Of Middle School
Okay, today was my last day volunteering at lunch time and, thankfully, it was only with the sixth graders. It was short and pleasant. I did find a girl crying as she came down the hall and put my arm around her and asked if she was okay. She really started crying then, saying it was her first day and she was just having a bad day. So I went over her schedule with her and told her where the classes were. She was a sixth grader and was about to come to lunch, so by the time she came in the lunch line, she was doing a lot better. I also checked up on a girl I knew last year who was struggling the first 2 days. She has issues that she is medicate for but needs things to be orderly to cope. She was very depressed and upset for 2 days and her home room teacher even discussed her with me. She's a lot better and just upset because she doesn't have an I.D. yet and has to have a temporary one which they keep spelling her name wrong on. I took her to security and got that worked out for her. I was glad I could be there for both of these girls and all the kids that knew me at the elementary school because I think it was reassuring to them. That's always a good feeling. I wrapped up my time there giving my daughter a hug and chatting with her for a moment.
When she got home today, she was still thrilled with school, loving all her classes and all her teachers and enjoying the changes from elementary school. I am so grateful for that. I hope all of middle school feels this wonderful to her.
When she got home today, she was still thrilled with school, loving all her classes and all her teachers and enjoying the changes from elementary school. I am so grateful for that. I hope all of middle school feels this wonderful to her.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Does Blogging About It Again and Again Mean Something?
Day two of middle school:
I had to go early for the school store but was able to drop Rachel off at the bus stop. I hurried to the school, got my quick review of what I would be doing there, checked out all the supplies so I could grab what was asked for in a hurry and promptly served....no one. One kid looked at what we had. One asked if we sold jump drives (uh, no but you can get them at Wal-mart for about $13). And one wanted pencil lead for his mechanical pencil which we were out of. Wow, I was busting a sweat *roll eyes*.
I went back a few hours later to do the lunch code thing. I enjoy the sixth graders. I know a lot of them from working at the elementary school and I laughed and joked with them like I did last year. The seventh graders are okay. Not yet rude, but not the little "deer in the headlights" kids that the sixth graders are. I didn't talk much to any of them, except the few I knew, but not enough to embarrass them. The eighth graders? Do those kids know they have rules to follow, that punching a classmate in the hall isn't okay, that chasing another kid (mind you, these boys were all HUGE) trying to take his money is not only not okay, but called theft? I wanted security to stand with me during 8th grade lunch. I was...uncomfortable. Thank goodness I don't have to be there for any grade but sixth tomorrow. I'm am breathing a deep sigh of relief.
I had to go early for the school store but was able to drop Rachel off at the bus stop. I hurried to the school, got my quick review of what I would be doing there, checked out all the supplies so I could grab what was asked for in a hurry and promptly served....no one. One kid looked at what we had. One asked if we sold jump drives (uh, no but you can get them at Wal-mart for about $13). And one wanted pencil lead for his mechanical pencil which we were out of. Wow, I was busting a sweat *roll eyes*.
I went back a few hours later to do the lunch code thing. I enjoy the sixth graders. I know a lot of them from working at the elementary school and I laughed and joked with them like I did last year. The seventh graders are okay. Not yet rude, but not the little "deer in the headlights" kids that the sixth graders are. I didn't talk much to any of them, except the few I knew, but not enough to embarrass them. The eighth graders? Do those kids know they have rules to follow, that punching a classmate in the hall isn't okay, that chasing another kid (mind you, these boys were all HUGE) trying to take his money is not only not okay, but called theft? I wanted security to stand with me during 8th grade lunch. I was...uncomfortable. Thank goodness I don't have to be there for any grade but sixth tomorrow. I'm am breathing a deep sigh of relief.
Monday, August 25, 2008
The First Day of School
I got up at 4:30 a.m. this morning and worked out (I'll be heading to bed very soon - yawn). I got Rachel up and we walked to the bus stop. The bus was so full the kids were sitting three to a seat *humpf*. Not liking that. Anyway, the bus drove away and I chatted with a couple of women I worked with last year at my daughter's grade school. I walked home, ran the dog and then worked a little on my book. At some point, I suddenly realized I was due at the school to volunteer in the lunch line in 10 minutes, giving kids their codes for payment. I hurried out the door and spent the next 2 & 1/2 hours on my feet. It felt like a work day and when I got home I iced them and put them up until I had to meet the bus she came home on.
I saw a lot of the kids from last year who for whatever reason thought I would know where their classes were, what time their lunch was, etc. I felt inadequate and vowed to get some additional info so I could be more help the next two days while I volunteer doing the same thing. A teacher asked me about a student struggling through her day after being told I know her well and I hope I helped with that. I heard a lot of "hi's" from kids who knew me last year and I hope it gave some that might be scared or struggling a little comfort to see a familiar face. I watched a number of eighth graders make me dread that coming year and a few I thought would become/are remarkable young people. All in all, I felt like I am getting to know my daughter's new school.
Tomorrow I work in the school "store" where kids can buy supplies they are missing. It's just for 1/2 an hour. Then I'll be back to do the lunch thing again. I hope my feet survive this....
The dog is exhausted. I've got one more form to finish that my daughter brought home tonight and then I'm off to bed. I have to say, it was a good day.
I saw a lot of the kids from last year who for whatever reason thought I would know where their classes were, what time their lunch was, etc. I felt inadequate and vowed to get some additional info so I could be more help the next two days while I volunteer doing the same thing. A teacher asked me about a student struggling through her day after being told I know her well and I hope I helped with that. I heard a lot of "hi's" from kids who knew me last year and I hope it gave some that might be scared or struggling a little comfort to see a familiar face. I watched a number of eighth graders make me dread that coming year and a few I thought would become/are remarkable young people. All in all, I felt like I am getting to know my daughter's new school.
Tomorrow I work in the school "store" where kids can buy supplies they are missing. It's just for 1/2 an hour. Then I'll be back to do the lunch thing again. I hope my feet survive this....
The dog is exhausted. I've got one more form to finish that my daughter brought home tonight and then I'm off to bed. I have to say, it was a good day.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The Burning Within Me
It's easy to feel overwhelmed or depressed in the world we live in. The news fills us with the saddest stories, we hear and read of other's sufferings, we struggle with our own issues. And often times, I find I allow these things to get the best of me. So I do my best to avoid the news, watching just the weather or looking that up on the internet. I try to find something to make me laugh every day - a good blog, a funny sitcom, a good joke. I try to look to the bright side of everything that affects me. Still, I have my moments. Living with someone with depression adds to this struggle to "keep my head above water", so to speak. So it is that with the flurry of this yard sale, cleaning out and up my house as I went along and now doing a basic cleaning and looking at all the things I need to deep clean yet, I am in a struggle. And always, there is the gnawing of getting back to my book. At times I think I am putting my heart and soul into my book all for not. And when you give so much of yourself, allowing the story to take you where it will, you are giving your heart and soul to it. I can take it if someone tells me it's no good (though honestly, I don't think I'll hear that because I know Whose hand was in the writing of it - that Greater Power) and I can easily take someone telling me I need to work on something within it. What creeps into my mind sometimes is that I will put all this work into it and it will all be for nothing. No one will ever see the good in it that will prompt them to publish it (and pay me enough to clear our ever-pressing debt). Yet, when I say those things to myself or my husband outloud, I feel a burning in my chest that I know is telling me this is not so. It assures me that it will be published and it will have the effect I desire and pray it will have - to improve our lives significantly in a financial way. It was, after all, the whole reason I began to put to good use this gift I have been given. When I was at my wits end doing medical transcription, sleeping only three hours a day during the week, and then being layed off, I prayed for something that I could do that would allow me to be here for my family, be the wife and mother I needed in my soul to be and still be able to significantly help us financially. After many days of praying for this over and over, that still small voice came to me saying, "I have given you this gift, why do you not use it? Write." And so I started putting together my book. It has been the most fulfilling thing I have ever done aside from being a mother. It is right and good and will be for the good of my family. And no matter what, no matter any delay that might creep upon me, I MUST finish this book and put it out there to be published. I am nearly done. I am so close I can scarcely believe it. And when I write it, it pours out of me like someone else is writing it for me, telling me the tale. I tell others I believe my main character wants his story told and what he can't tell, another steps in to. And in a way, I believe that to be so. But I also know who the real storyteller behind it is....An answered prayer and a given gift make it so.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Who Should Be Nervous?
I've had a hard time focusing for a few days. We got Rachel all registered for school and she's honestly really excited about it starting. She's looking forward to seeing some of the friends she doesn't see over the summer and starting the new adventure of middle school. She's always enjoyed school, so I've never worried too much about that. And all the "orientation" stuff they've done for the incoming 6th graders has really put her at ease. So what's up with mom? Well, I think I'm nervous for her. This is a new world, a new challenge. I can't be there to coddle her (which, of course, is the best thing). I'm not well known at this school, though the vice principal knows me by sight, just not my name, and that gives me some comfort. And at orientation, she was recognized as the student that reads all the time because we've gone to a number of things there and she's had a book in her face. So, all good, right? So maybe my nerves are a bit more for me. I was well known at her grade school because I worked there for three years, volunteered for the 3 years before that and one of my jobs there was very "High Profile", shall we say. I know a few of the active PTCO mom's at the middle school, but I'm primarily stepping into new ground, too. And I don't do as well as my child does with that. Plus, I've stepped right in to volunteering a little (I won't do much because I don't know what the future holds work-wise for me). I'm going in on Tuesday mornings to work in the "School Store". I'm not entirely sure what it is. I think they sell supplies for kids who find themselves without first thing in the morning. You know, pencils, paper, pens and such. Then I'll be going in once a week to do copying for the office. That's about a two hour deal. The first three days of school I agreed to stand at the entrance of the lunch area to help kids rememeber their "code" numbers for lunch payment. Not bad. Not a lot of stuff to do. Still, I'm nervous. Guess I should grow up, eh?
Friday, August 15, 2008
Rain, Rain Won't Go Away
Well, thankfully we sold about 2/3 of our junk on Thursday because it started raining Thursday night and it rained all day today (as it will for the next few days). We set up again today, but it was just too wet, too cold and too slow. I ended up calling someone from church to see if they wanted to buy some of the better toys that were left and get some of the clothes (this lady is a BIG yard sale person - every weekend - and I knew she had some grandkids that would LOVE some of Rachel's stuff). Anyway, they were our big sale today as we only had about 5 other sales until we finally called it quits on this thing. We closed up shop around 3 p.m. and FILLED our van, with the two back seats out, to drop stuff at Goodwill. Still, that was only 1/3 of what we'd put out there. We didn't make what I would have liked, though I'm sure we would have had the weather been nice today. Another lovely touch to the whole exhausting experience was the drunk lady across the street from us kept coming outside and yelling stuff *roll eyes*. She walked her dogs Thursday morning and saw us setting up for this and said nothing - she was sober at the time. Then toward the end of the day, when she was nice and liquored up, she came out her door and said, "Oh my G--! That's disgusting!" At first I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. I thought maybe she'd seen something dead or something else that grossed her out. But then I realized she was talking about our having the yard sale. Lots of other people have done so in our complex. She probably did the same to them. I know she yelled at my friend when she was having a big birthday party for her daughter, a friend of Rachel's, and a BBQ. The drunk was watching out her window and then yelled that she had lived here longer than anyone and they couldn't have the BBQ, then made some racial comment (my friend is black). So my friend came storming to my door, steaming mad and I went out with her and just kept looking over at the cowardly drunk's house and she never made another peep. So Jay finally yelled, "You got a problem, Lady?" and she ran into her house yelling, "Yeah, I've got a problem!" Then she never showed her face again the rest of the time - LOL. I guess when your neighbor comes to your door at 10:00 a.m. one day wanting you to complain with her about the color they paint the buildings and she reeks of alcohol, you can be pretty sure you have a raging drunk on your hands. Anyway, I have my house back - no boxes stacked all over. I feel like I live in a mansion with them gone they'd been here for so long!
Rachel had orientation at middle school this morning and then registration at 12:30. I went 1/2 an hour early hoping to beat the crowd and had Rachel stayed with me at the very end to get her gym uniform, we would have been out of there in less than an hour. As is turned out, she walked off and when I got there, I couldn't find her. I had to find her and go to the end of the line - adding another 20 minutes to our time *sigh*. In the meantime, Jay held the fort down at the yard sale, the drunk remaining in her house.
Rachel's had a sore throat off and on for a week now. It's just post nasal drip from her allergies so far (though I'm worried it will move into a cold), but when I got her up, she didn't want to go to orientation. I knew she'd be sorry if she didn't, so I gave her some hot cocoa and oatmeal to soothe her throat and sent her on her way. She had a great time but ended up with a headache and was absolutely beat when she got home. She also had a super busy day yesterday. Some friends that live down the street from us have a granddaughter Rachel's age and the girls have played together when she visits since they were about six. She was here yesterday, so after she and her grandma bought some stuff, Rachel went over to play and hang out. A little later, the grandma took them to the rec center to swim and then to Sonic for a late lunch. She got home, changed her clothes and then fell asleep for about 25 minutes. I had to wake her then, though, because she had her first babysitting job last night. It was for two hours and she was thrilled. She babysits next Thursday night for the yard sale grandma we called today - two girls and a baby boy. Rachel's really excited about it. Then they asked if she'd babysit on a Friday or Saturday after school starts. Rachel will have swim team practice on Friday nights, so they'll set it up for a Saturday. She's very excited that babysitting is finally starting for her. She took an all day Girl Scouts course on babysitting readiness and has been wanting to do this forever. When they asked if Rachel was ready to start, she said YES. So it's an exciting time for her.
Well, I'm sleeping in tomorrow morning and resting over the weekend - though poor Jay had to head out to work tonight. Monday I'll clean my house (without a bunch of boxes to clean around - Woooo!) and then Tuesday get focused back on my book. I've missed working on it a LOT.
Off to bed now. I'm beat!
Rachel had orientation at middle school this morning and then registration at 12:30. I went 1/2 an hour early hoping to beat the crowd and had Rachel stayed with me at the very end to get her gym uniform, we would have been out of there in less than an hour. As is turned out, she walked off and when I got there, I couldn't find her. I had to find her and go to the end of the line - adding another 20 minutes to our time *sigh*. In the meantime, Jay held the fort down at the yard sale, the drunk remaining in her house.
Rachel's had a sore throat off and on for a week now. It's just post nasal drip from her allergies so far (though I'm worried it will move into a cold), but when I got her up, she didn't want to go to orientation. I knew she'd be sorry if she didn't, so I gave her some hot cocoa and oatmeal to soothe her throat and sent her on her way. She had a great time but ended up with a headache and was absolutely beat when she got home. She also had a super busy day yesterday. Some friends that live down the street from us have a granddaughter Rachel's age and the girls have played together when she visits since they were about six. She was here yesterday, so after she and her grandma bought some stuff, Rachel went over to play and hang out. A little later, the grandma took them to the rec center to swim and then to Sonic for a late lunch. She got home, changed her clothes and then fell asleep for about 25 minutes. I had to wake her then, though, because she had her first babysitting job last night. It was for two hours and she was thrilled. She babysits next Thursday night for the yard sale grandma we called today - two girls and a baby boy. Rachel's really excited about it. Then they asked if she'd babysit on a Friday or Saturday after school starts. Rachel will have swim team practice on Friday nights, so they'll set it up for a Saturday. She's very excited that babysitting is finally starting for her. She took an all day Girl Scouts course on babysitting readiness and has been wanting to do this forever. When they asked if Rachel was ready to start, she said YES. So it's an exciting time for her.
Well, I'm sleeping in tomorrow morning and resting over the weekend - though poor Jay had to head out to work tonight. Monday I'll clean my house (without a bunch of boxes to clean around - Woooo!) and then Tuesday get focused back on my book. I've missed working on it a LOT.
Off to bed now. I'm beat!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Day One Down
Oh - my - gosh! I am sooooo exhausted! We decided we are done after tomorrow - just a Thursday and Friday thing instead of Saturday, too. Because it's exhausting, frustrating, you have to pretend like it's easy to let people faun over some things and look at others like you're an idiot for not only pricing it at that amount, but ever buying it in the first place. However, I must say we did very, very well on our first day. Tomorrow Jay will do a good deal of it alone as I have to register Rachel at school, pick up RX stuff and finish up some laundry. We are hoping the rain here will be minimal. I need to shower and drop into bed. Much Ibuprophen will be taken so I can sleep through the ache.....
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Almost Ready
I fnally got the whole house sorted through - including the craft cabinet that was hanging over my head (and wasn't any 1 hour job, either - sigh). I made the signs last night and we'll be bringing all the boxes and stuff down from our bedroom and in from the back porch to the living room tonight, as well as cleaning up the two tables we have to work with. I am hoping we get TONS sold Thursday so we have less to bring back in Thursday evening. And I'm hoping for no rain until we wrap things up each day. BUT, of course, there is rain due tomorrow evening and Friday says showers all day with a high of 66F. While I'll enjoy not burning up every day, I don't know how well this will do for our sale. And I'm a bit worried that the signs will be ruined as I just used the markers we have here at home - which happen to be washable - ahem. I swear, the gods are against me (if I believed in more than one). So, am I worried? Yes. Just one more thing to add to my sometimes complex existence (yeah, I'm in a bit of a mood today). I'm thinking about picking up some sort of contact paper or something to cover the signs in to protect them from the weather. I have to go out to get change today anyway, so I think I'll try to do that. I should be able to find something that will work.
I've really cleaned a lot of stuff out of here. I have an old black and white TV, I think it's a 13 inch, which I've had for years. It works fine, just need about 30 seconds to warm up enough to come on, that I'm going to sell. It's just been sitting in our bedroom, along with an "extra" VHS/DVD player that we'll sell. We never use the player and rarely use the TV, so it's time to get rid of them. I pulled nicnacs, dishes, pots and pans....just all sorts of stuff to empty this house out to a normal level of junk. It's felt like purging my soul or something. I know the feeling I've had through this will only be better once the yard sale is over and I drop what doesn't sell off at Goodwill. No more junk, a little more room in the house - can't go wrong. Hopefully we'll net enough to give us a small emergency fund to shove in the savings. That was the whole reason for finally getting around to doing this - so we have something to fall back on while we're struggling so much if something crops up. Of course, I have lavish dreams of bringing in more than that, but that's not realistic. So I'll hope for the best. Oh, and I tried to talk Jay into selling our Clavinova piano which none of us plays (yet - but I hope to one day soon) but he was totally opposed. That could have easily sold for $400.00. Oh well. I was beginning to get a little too eager to dump stuff out there for sale.......Somebody had to take control.
I've really cleaned a lot of stuff out of here. I have an old black and white TV, I think it's a 13 inch, which I've had for years. It works fine, just need about 30 seconds to warm up enough to come on, that I'm going to sell. It's just been sitting in our bedroom, along with an "extra" VHS/DVD player that we'll sell. We never use the player and rarely use the TV, so it's time to get rid of them. I pulled nicnacs, dishes, pots and pans....just all sorts of stuff to empty this house out to a normal level of junk. It's felt like purging my soul or something. I know the feeling I've had through this will only be better once the yard sale is over and I drop what doesn't sell off at Goodwill. No more junk, a little more room in the house - can't go wrong. Hopefully we'll net enough to give us a small emergency fund to shove in the savings. That was the whole reason for finally getting around to doing this - so we have something to fall back on while we're struggling so much if something crops up. Of course, I have lavish dreams of bringing in more than that, but that's not realistic. So I'll hope for the best. Oh, and I tried to talk Jay into selling our Clavinova piano which none of us plays (yet - but I hope to one day soon) but he was totally opposed. That could have easily sold for $400.00. Oh well. I was beginning to get a little too eager to dump stuff out there for sale.......Somebody had to take control.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Sanity Test
There have always been a number of ways to test your sanity. First, you can listen to people as you walk away and see if they mention things like, "She's totally insane" or "What was she talking about". Perhaps you notice you babble or are unable to speak in full sentences. Your spouse might suggest you need "a nice, long rest, Dear" and he drives you to the hospital. People might cross to the other side of the street when they see you or whisper, "Oh no, here she comes and she's totally whacked." Or maybe you've just got a house full of boxes that you trip over, step over, hit your hands on, have to move constantly to get to things, have blocking the through breeze under your stairs, etc.
I know I must, but I can barely hang on until next weekend to empty this stuff out of here. May the sanity fairies help me......
I know I must, but I can barely hang on until next weekend to empty this stuff out of here. May the sanity fairies help me......
Thursday, August 7, 2008
I Think Another Hour Ought To Do It
Maybe not even an hour left to get that craft cabinet done and I'll be finished sorting through and preparing everything. I'll need to make the signs this week and then start putting prices on things. I've had these yard sale price stickers forever, it seems. One kind just says "PRICE" and you put the amount on and the others are circles with different amounts on them. Mostly, the prices will go on as we put stuff out, though. I just can't imagine pulling everything out to price it and then repack it.
Tomorrow I'm cleaning because I can't stand one more minute of this messy house - which has gotten out of control while I've focused on cleaning out the yard sale junk.
I'll be so glad when this is all over. My house is now wall to wall boxes and sale items. I'm ready to scream! I'll just keep reminding myself: almost over, almost over.
Tomorrow I'm cleaning because I can't stand one more minute of this messy house - which has gotten out of control while I've focused on cleaning out the yard sale junk.
I'll be so glad when this is all over. My house is now wall to wall boxes and sale items. I'm ready to scream! I'll just keep reminding myself: almost over, almost over.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Yeah, Baaabbbbyyy!
We got our dang crawl space emptied out today! All in one day! In fact, it only took a total of 3 & 1/2 hours. Conisidering how much junk was down there, that's amazing. Now there are only some empty boxes Jay didn't want to haul up (and based on his mood since he didn't want to put this work in, I didn't fuss about it) and a Select Comfort queen size bed we had until we upgraded to king size. We figured we'd use it for a guest bed when we one day move to a house (or, my nightmare, we are still living here when Rachel moves out). I have a boat load of laundry I'm doing to get all the baby/toddler/older kid clothing washed to sell, except a few special outfits that we'll keep. The only other thing I have to do is go through my craft cabinet to pull a few things out. Then I just need to live with the mess of boxes everywhere for a couple of weeks. We can't have this yard sale until the weekend of August 14th. We'll do a Thurs., Fri. and Sat. sale and hopefully, Jay will be here for it. It will suck to go it alone.
Despite the little bit of work Jay had to do, he turned into a griping, whining bear and I about kicked his backside to the curb. I kept my cool, though, and just kept reminding him I've been working on this project for 3 full weeks now and he was only putting in this short amount of time in the crawl space. Eventually, he thought about what a jerk he was being and apologized. So, things ended up okay.
My back and shoulder are killing me, though. All this lifting and bending. I wish we could afford for me to get the chiro care I really need, but we don't and I'll just have to cope. It will get better when I'm not working so hard moving furniture (I doing some major cleaning as I purge the house of stuff) and lifting boxes.
My MIL called and asked us to come visit on Sunday, so we did. Jay's younger sister, her daughter and her daughter's little girl who is about 18 months old were there. His nephew from his older sister came over, too. It was a nice visit but I was beat because I'd worked so hard all this week on the house and then the one day I hoped to just relax and go to church, we missed church and had the long drive down to the Springs.
It's very, very late. Or early, depending on how you want to look at it. I'm off to bed.
Despite the little bit of work Jay had to do, he turned into a griping, whining bear and I about kicked his backside to the curb. I kept my cool, though, and just kept reminding him I've been working on this project for 3 full weeks now and he was only putting in this short amount of time in the crawl space. Eventually, he thought about what a jerk he was being and apologized. So, things ended up okay.
My back and shoulder are killing me, though. All this lifting and bending. I wish we could afford for me to get the chiro care I really need, but we don't and I'll just have to cope. It will get better when I'm not working so hard moving furniture (I doing some major cleaning as I purge the house of stuff) and lifting boxes.
My MIL called and asked us to come visit on Sunday, so we did. Jay's younger sister, her daughter and her daughter's little girl who is about 18 months old were there. His nephew from his older sister came over, too. It was a nice visit but I was beat because I'd worked so hard all this week on the house and then the one day I hoped to just relax and go to church, we missed church and had the long drive down to the Springs.
It's very, very late. Or early, depending on how you want to look at it. I'm off to bed.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Was It Worth It?
Here I sit, bleary eyed from lack of sleep. Did I wake early this morning? Sort of, but I usually get up around 6:00 a.m. Did I get to bed late? You could say that. I'd accomplished so much yesterday while Rachel played with her friend, Samantha, that I felt great and just wanted to keep going. I'm soooo close to being done with the house (simplifying and gathering yard sale items - in case you haven't read the previous posts because that's what my life has been all about lately *roll eyes*). It has been so gratifying to accomplish so much that I didn't want to stop. So last night when I intented to go up to bed, I looked at the corner of my room where I still have things to go through and I just dug in. Before I knew it, it was 4:15 a.m. I kid you not! And I got up at 8:00 a.m. because the dog needed out. And, you know, I'm great at handling 4 hours of sleep a night.....NOT. I feel like I wasted the day because by the time I got going and dressed it was almost noon. That would be because I'm dragging. I'm off to run errands now. Yuck - Friday shopping.
In my next life, I want to be a cat.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Taking Advantage of a Good Day
I've been going through *My Entire House* weeding out the stuff we've hoarded but never used over the past 13 years of wedded bliss in this house. Yesh, I said wedded bliss. Anyway, back to my point. It's absolutely shocking what we'll hold on to. Magazines from years ago, VHS movies we'll NEVER watch again, dishes, old mismatched silverware, nic nacs I don't even like, every piece of clothing Rachel ever owned that wasn't torn or utterly stained, all of her baby stuff - blankets, crib set, toddler bed set, toys, etc. I have 8 HUGE boxes filled with toys alone. It's shocking. But as I go along, I scrub and rearrange and dispose of to either the trash or the currently in use yard sale box. In the end, my whole purpose is to make my house easier to keep clean (with A LOT less clutter) and to have a peaceful feeling of great accomplishment. It ain't easy cleaning all this stuff out of here. And I have to keep reminding myself the 300 boxes stacked in my bedroom will be gone in a couple of weeks - sold or dropped at Goodwill if it doesn't sell. I can hold on that long, can't I?
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Breaking Up Summer
I love my daughter. We get along almost all the time. We enjoy each other's company. I love the person she is growing in to. I love to sneak in after she's gone to sleep at night and kiss her soft little cheek, telling her how much I love her and what a wonderful child she is. I secretly hope those words sink deeply into her sleeping mind so she can call them up when things make her feel less than the beautiful, amazing girl she is.
That said, being with her 24/7 for the past month plus has been a little....trying. We desperately needed a break. Then Girl Scout Day Camp, earned by selling many, many Girl Scout cookies this year, came calling. It's from 9 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. all week. She's on her second day there and though I do miss her as we always miss our children when they are elsewhere, I know we will be happier with each other when this week long break ends. She had a blast yesterday, though she was very worn out from being in the heat all day. She made two new friends. She was happy to sit in the air conditioning and work on a story she's been writing. She had a whole new outlook on life (and her mother, whom she actually appreciated last night). Yep, I'd have to say breaking up the summer for a bit is a very good thing.
That said, being with her 24/7 for the past month plus has been a little....trying. We desperately needed a break. Then Girl Scout Day Camp, earned by selling many, many Girl Scout cookies this year, came calling. It's from 9 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. all week. She's on her second day there and though I do miss her as we always miss our children when they are elsewhere, I know we will be happier with each other when this week long break ends. She had a blast yesterday, though she was very worn out from being in the heat all day. She made two new friends. She was happy to sit in the air conditioning and work on a story she's been writing. She had a whole new outlook on life (and her mother, whom she actually appreciated last night). Yep, I'd have to say breaking up the summer for a bit is a very good thing.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Concerts
I read a wonderful blog that one of my friends contributes to called Light Refreshments Served (you can link to it off my blog). It's written by 5 LDS women on just about any subject that crosses their minds. Oh, and they have free giveaways. Good ones. Anyway, one of them posted about attending the Police reunion concert (Sting) with her son. She mentioned first time concerts and it made me think about the first concert I ever attended. Of course, who was performing shows just how old I am. It was in the 1970's and my parents took my best friend and I to see Kris Kristofferson. Who??? you may ask. Yeah, well, it was a long time ago. Everyone around us was smoking pot and our 14 year old selves started giggling our heads off, all the while wondering what was so funny. And the concert was at the coolest outdoor amphitheater in the world (in my humble opinion), Red Rocks. The pics don't do it justice and the acoustics are amazing:
I posted a comment on that blog about how I believe my next concert was KISS. Awww, no body does it like Gene Simmons, eh?
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