Speaking to the Process

Good Mourning by India Arie

And I Wish You Love By Rachael Yamagata

Certain

In all my life, the one thing I'm certain of is that I cannot protect my daughter from this pain she is enduring. All I can do is hold her. Her poetry says it all:

http://kunabee.blogspot.com/

The Demise of a Marriage

After nearly 17 years of marriage, I have asked him to leave. It's just too much to continue to live with and I'd rather it be just my girl and I than live under this misery any longer.

It wasn't always this way. There were plenty of wonderful times that are etched in my memory but it takes so many more positives to outweigh the negatives. The last two and a half to three years have been very unhappy, almost exclusively. So it is time to move away from this marriage and on to my own so I can rebuild my heart, my self-esteem and my happiness. Thankfully, just making the decision has given me great relief. It's not that I am not grieving the loss, I am. But I also look forward to the peacefulness, the happiness without the constant negatives interjected into things that doesn't need to be there. There are things I will miss, but sadly, they are few at this point.

The hardest part of all? I miss being able to talk to my mom about this whole thing. My sister's and brother's are very supportive and all feel this is a good decision on my part, but I wish I could talk to Mom about it. I've been missing her terribly because of what's going on. Of course, I miss her terribly anyway. So one of my friends suggested I find a quiet time when no one is home and do just what I need to do - talk to her. I'm waiting for that opportunity. I just wish I could hear her talking back to me.

Comfort

2 Nephi 4:34-35

Oh Lord, I have trusted in thee and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever asend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.


I miss my mom. I wish I could speak to her and have her comfort me, too.

Rollercoaster

I find life in the rollercoaster not much of a life. Calm and serene is more my wish and more what I try to create for myself and my daughter. Sometimes, those around us take us through peaks and valleys with no sense of direction themselves. It rocks the boat so no one knows what to expect from one moment to the next. I've lived a long time like that, making excuses for them. But all that does is give them power. So the thing to do is to take back your control. I am taking back my control today. And I'm not letting it go again. Lesson learned, thank you.