My Old Life

When Jay and I married, I worked full time (plus) for an insurance company. I'd been an adjuster for eight years and was really good at it, if I may say so myself. But it's a stressful job where people threaten to "come down there and shoot you", sue you personally, shout obscenities to you all day and cry hysterically (and occasionally you had to deal with real tragedy that tore your heart out). When we were having trouble getting pregnant, my doctor suggested it could be partially related to my job stress. So we took a huge leap of faith and I quit my job and started an in home daycare. It was about a $30,000 to $35,000 drop in income. But, sure enough, we got pregnant a few months later. For some time, I became a stay at home mom. I LOVED it. It was wonderful to see everything new my daughter did. Having done daycare, I knew what it was like to have your baby roll over, crawl, walk, etc for the first time for someone else, though I always lied to the mom of the baby boy I watched and said he hadn't done it here yet, but looked like he might at any time. I only gave her the heads up because the first two things he did for me, she didn't even notice at home for over a week and I knew he must be doing them because it was constant here. Sure enough, if I told her to keep an eye out, she'd tell me Monday morning that he'd done it all weekend long. Anyway, I loved knowing I was the one seeing my baby for the first time. When she entered 2nd grade, I had to help financially and worked at home as a medical transcriptionist. I hated it. It was stressful and I was lucky to get three hours of sleep a night on weekdays. I did that for about a year until I got laid off as the last one hired (other than the owner's daughter) when she lost a huge account because of another employee's fraud. Then I worked part-time at Rachel's school - first as a Parent Liaison for the Title I program for two years. The second year, I picked up being a crossing guard and a sub for any teacher's aides that were out sick. The third year, I gave up the Title I job, did the crossing guard job for a few months and was a full time TA. It was a killer on my messed up feet, so I dropped the crossing guard job. Alas, it was still a killer on my feet. The school year ended and life here at home was crazy because I had a school year's worth of mess to catch up on. So, what's the point of this post? I'm back at home. I'm just writing, the one thing in this world I absolutely and totally love to do. I can keep my house up. I have my old life back. I don't know for how long, hopefully for good, but I'm enjoying every second of it.

Day 3 Of Middle School

Okay, today was my last day volunteering at lunch time and, thankfully, it was only with the sixth graders. It was short and pleasant. I did find a girl crying as she came down the hall and put my arm around her and asked if she was okay. She really started crying then, saying it was her first day and she was just having a bad day. So I went over her schedule with her and told her where the classes were. She was a sixth grader and was about to come to lunch, so by the time she came in the lunch line, she was doing a lot better. I also checked up on a girl I knew last year who was struggling the first 2 days. She has issues that she is medicate for but needs things to be orderly to cope. She was very depressed and upset for 2 days and her home room teacher even discussed her with me. She's a lot better and just upset because she doesn't have an I.D. yet and has to have a temporary one which they keep spelling her name wrong on. I took her to security and got that worked out for her. I was glad I could be there for both of these girls and all the kids that knew me at the elementary school because I think it was reassuring to them. That's always a good feeling. I wrapped up my time there giving my daughter a hug and chatting with her for a moment.

When she got home today, she was still thrilled with school, loving all her classes and all her teachers and enjoying the changes from elementary school. I am so grateful for that. I hope all of middle school feels this wonderful to her.

Does Blogging About It Again and Again Mean Something?

Day two of middle school:
I had to go early for the school store but was able to drop Rachel off at the bus stop. I hurried to the school, got my quick review of what I would be doing there, checked out all the supplies so I could grab what was asked for in a hurry and promptly served....no one. One kid looked at what we had. One asked if we sold jump drives (uh, no but you can get them at Wal-mart for about $13). And one wanted pencil lead for his mechanical pencil which we were out of. Wow, I was busting a sweat *roll eyes*.

I went back a few hours later to do the lunch code thing. I enjoy the sixth graders. I know a lot of them from working at the elementary school and I laughed and joked with them like I did last year. The seventh graders are okay. Not yet rude, but not the little "deer in the headlights" kids that the sixth graders are. I didn't talk much to any of them, except the few I knew, but not enough to embarrass them. The eighth graders? Do those kids know they have rules to follow, that punching a classmate in the hall isn't okay, that chasing another kid (mind you, these boys were all HUGE) trying to take his money is not only not okay, but called theft? I wanted security to stand with me during 8th grade lunch. I was...uncomfortable. Thank goodness I don't have to be there for any grade but sixth tomorrow. I'm am breathing a deep sigh of relief.

The First Day of School

I got up at 4:30 a.m. this morning and worked out (I'll be heading to bed very soon - yawn). I got Rachel up and we walked to the bus stop. The bus was so full the kids were sitting three to a seat *humpf*. Not liking that. Anyway, the bus drove away and I chatted with a couple of women I worked with last year at my daughter's grade school. I walked home, ran the dog and then worked a little on my book. At some point, I suddenly realized I was due at the school to volunteer in the lunch line in 10 minutes, giving kids their codes for payment. I hurried out the door and spent the next 2 & 1/2 hours on my feet. It felt like a work day and when I got home I iced them and put them up until I had to meet the bus she came home on.

I saw a lot of the kids from last year who for whatever reason thought I would know where their classes were, what time their lunch was, etc. I felt inadequate and vowed to get some additional info so I could be more help the next two days while I volunteer doing the same thing. A teacher asked me about a student struggling through her day after being told I know her well and I hope I helped with that. I heard a lot of "hi's" from kids who knew me last year and I hope it gave some that might be scared or struggling a little comfort to see a familiar face. I watched a number of eighth graders make me dread that coming year and a few I thought would become/are remarkable young people. All in all, I felt like I am getting to know my daughter's new school.

Tomorrow I work in the school "store" where kids can buy supplies they are missing. It's just for 1/2 an hour. Then I'll be back to do the lunch thing again. I hope my feet survive this....

The dog is exhausted. I've got one more form to finish that my daughter brought home tonight and then I'm off to bed. I have to say, it was a good day.

The Burning Within Me

It's easy to feel overwhelmed or depressed in the world we live in. The news fills us with the saddest stories, we hear and read of other's sufferings, we struggle with our own issues. And often times, I find I allow these things to get the best of me. So I do my best to avoid the news, watching just the weather or looking that up on the internet. I try to find something to make me laugh every day - a good blog, a funny sitcom, a good joke. I try to look to the bright side of everything that affects me. Still, I have my moments. Living with someone with depression adds to this struggle to "keep my head above water", so to speak. So it is that with the flurry of this yard sale, cleaning out and up my house as I went along and now doing a basic cleaning and looking at all the things I need to deep clean yet, I am in a struggle. And always, there is the gnawing of getting back to my book. At times I think I am putting my heart and soul into my book all for not. And when you give so much of yourself, allowing the story to take you where it will, you are giving your heart and soul to it. I can take it if someone tells me it's no good (though honestly, I don't think I'll hear that because I know Whose hand was in the writing of it - that Greater Power) and I can easily take someone telling me I need to work on something within it. What creeps into my mind sometimes is that I will put all this work into it and it will all be for nothing. No one will ever see the good in it that will prompt them to publish it (and pay me enough to clear our ever-pressing debt). Yet, when I say those things to myself or my husband outloud, I feel a burning in my chest that I know is telling me this is not so. It assures me that it will be published and it will have the effect I desire and pray it will have - to improve our lives significantly in a financial way. It was, after all, the whole reason I began to put to good use this gift I have been given. When I was at my wits end doing medical transcription, sleeping only three hours a day during the week, and then being layed off, I prayed for something that I could do that would allow me to be here for my family, be the wife and mother I needed in my soul to be and still be able to significantly help us financially. After many days of praying for this over and over, that still small voice came to me saying, "I have given you this gift, why do you not use it? Write." And so I started putting together my book. It has been the most fulfilling thing I have ever done aside from being a mother. It is right and good and will be for the good of my family. And no matter what, no matter any delay that might creep upon me, I MUST finish this book and put it out there to be published. I am nearly done. I am so close I can scarcely believe it. And when I write it, it pours out of me like someone else is writing it for me, telling me the tale. I tell others I believe my main character wants his story told and what he can't tell, another steps in to. And in a way, I believe that to be so. But I also know who the real storyteller behind it is....An answered prayer and a given gift make it so.

Who Should Be Nervous?

I've had a hard time focusing for a few days. We got Rachel all registered for school and she's honestly really excited about it starting. She's looking forward to seeing some of the friends she doesn't see over the summer and starting the new adventure of middle school. She's always enjoyed school, so I've never worried too much about that. And all the "orientation" stuff they've done for the incoming 6th graders has really put her at ease. So what's up with mom? Well, I think I'm nervous for her. This is a new world, a new challenge. I can't be there to coddle her (which, of course, is the best thing). I'm not well known at this school, though the vice principal knows me by sight, just not my name, and that gives me some comfort. And at orientation, she was recognized as the student that reads all the time because we've gone to a number of things there and she's had a book in her face. So, all good, right? So maybe my nerves are a bit more for me. I was well known at her grade school because I worked there for three years, volunteered for the 3 years before that and one of my jobs there was very "High Profile", shall we say. I know a few of the active PTCO mom's at the middle school, but I'm primarily stepping into new ground, too. And I don't do as well as my child does with that. Plus, I've stepped right in to volunteering a little (I won't do much because I don't know what the future holds work-wise for me). I'm going in on Tuesday mornings to work in the "School Store". I'm not entirely sure what it is. I think they sell supplies for kids who find themselves without first thing in the morning. You know, pencils, paper, pens and such. Then I'll be going in once a week to do copying for the office. That's about a two hour deal. The first three days of school I agreed to stand at the entrance of the lunch area to help kids rememeber their "code" numbers for lunch payment. Not bad. Not a lot of stuff to do. Still, I'm nervous. Guess I should grow up, eh?

Rain, Rain Won't Go Away

Well, thankfully we sold about 2/3 of our junk on Thursday because it started raining Thursday night and it rained all day today (as it will for the next few days). We set up again today, but it was just too wet, too cold and too slow. I ended up calling someone from church to see if they wanted to buy some of the better toys that were left and get some of the clothes (this lady is a BIG yard sale person - every weekend - and I knew she had some grandkids that would LOVE some of Rachel's stuff). Anyway, they were our big sale today as we only had about 5 other sales until we finally called it quits on this thing. We closed up shop around 3 p.m. and FILLED our van, with the two back seats out, to drop stuff at Goodwill. Still, that was only 1/3 of what we'd put out there. We didn't make what I would have liked, though I'm sure we would have had the weather been nice today. Another lovely touch to the whole exhausting experience was the drunk lady across the street from us kept coming outside and yelling stuff *roll eyes*. She walked her dogs Thursday morning and saw us setting up for this and said nothing - she was sober at the time. Then toward the end of the day, when she was nice and liquored up, she came out her door and said, "Oh my G--! That's disgusting!" At first I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. I thought maybe she'd seen something dead or something else that grossed her out. But then I realized she was talking about our having the yard sale. Lots of other people have done so in our complex. She probably did the same to them. I know she yelled at my friend when she was having a big birthday party for her daughter, a friend of Rachel's, and a BBQ. The drunk was watching out her window and then yelled that she had lived here longer than anyone and they couldn't have the BBQ, then made some racial comment (my friend is black). So my friend came storming to my door, steaming mad and I went out with her and just kept looking over at the cowardly drunk's house and she never made another peep. So Jay finally yelled, "You got a problem, Lady?" and she ran into her house yelling, "Yeah, I've got a problem!" Then she never showed her face again the rest of the time - LOL. I guess when your neighbor comes to your door at 10:00 a.m. one day wanting you to complain with her about the color they paint the buildings and she reeks of alcohol, you can be pretty sure you have a raging drunk on your hands. Anyway, I have my house back - no boxes stacked all over. I feel like I live in a mansion with them gone they'd been here for so long!

Rachel had orientation at middle school this morning and then registration at 12:30. I went 1/2 an hour early hoping to beat the crowd and had Rachel stayed with me at the very end to get her gym uniform, we would have been out of there in less than an hour. As is turned out, she walked off and when I got there, I couldn't find her. I had to find her and go to the end of the line - adding another 20 minutes to our time *sigh*. In the meantime, Jay held the fort down at the yard sale, the drunk remaining in her house.

Rachel's had a sore throat off and on for a week now. It's just post nasal drip from her allergies so far (though I'm worried it will move into a cold), but when I got her up, she didn't want to go to orientation. I knew she'd be sorry if she didn't, so I gave her some hot cocoa and oatmeal to soothe her throat and sent her on her way. She had a great time but ended up with a headache and was absolutely beat when she got home. She also had a super busy day yesterday. Some friends that live down the street from us have a granddaughter Rachel's age and the girls have played together when she visits since they were about six. She was here yesterday, so after she and her grandma bought some stuff, Rachel went over to play and hang out. A little later, the grandma took them to the rec center to swim and then to Sonic for a late lunch. She got home, changed her clothes and then fell asleep for about 25 minutes. I had to wake her then, though, because she had her first babysitting job last night. It was for two hours and she was thrilled. She babysits next Thursday night for the yard sale grandma we called today - two girls and a baby boy. Rachel's really excited about it. Then they asked if she'd babysit on a Friday or Saturday after school starts. Rachel will have swim team practice on Friday nights, so they'll set it up for a Saturday. She's very excited that babysitting is finally starting for her. She took an all day Girl Scouts course on babysitting readiness and has been wanting to do this forever. When they asked if Rachel was ready to start, she said YES. So it's an exciting time for her.

Well, I'm sleeping in tomorrow morning and resting over the weekend - though poor Jay had to head out to work tonight. Monday I'll clean my house (without a bunch of boxes to clean around - Woooo!) and then Tuesday get focused back on my book. I've missed working on it a LOT.
Off to bed now. I'm beat!

Day One Down

Oh - my - gosh! I am sooooo exhausted! We decided we are done after tomorrow - just a Thursday and Friday thing instead of Saturday, too. Because it's exhausting, frustrating, you have to pretend like it's easy to let people faun over some things and look at others like you're an idiot for not only pricing it at that amount, but ever buying it in the first place. However, I must say we did very, very well on our first day. Tomorrow Jay will do a good deal of it alone as I have to register Rachel at school, pick up RX stuff and finish up some laundry. We are hoping the rain here will be minimal. I need to shower and drop into bed. Much Ibuprophen will be taken so I can sleep through the ache.....

Almost Ready

I fnally got the whole house sorted through - including the craft cabinet that was hanging over my head (and wasn't any 1 hour job, either - sigh). I made the signs last night and we'll be bringing all the boxes and stuff down from our bedroom and in from the back porch to the living room tonight, as well as cleaning up the two tables we have to work with. I am hoping we get TONS sold Thursday so we have less to bring back in Thursday evening. And I'm hoping for no rain until we wrap things up each day. BUT, of course, there is rain due tomorrow evening and Friday says showers all day with a high of 66F. While I'll enjoy not burning up every day, I don't know how well this will do for our sale. And I'm a bit worried that the signs will be ruined as I just used the markers we have here at home - which happen to be washable - ahem. I swear, the gods are against me (if I believed in more than one). So, am I worried? Yes. Just one more thing to add to my sometimes complex existence (yeah, I'm in a bit of a mood today). I'm thinking about picking up some sort of contact paper or something to cover the signs in to protect them from the weather. I have to go out to get change today anyway, so I think I'll try to do that. I should be able to find something that will work.

I've really cleaned a lot of stuff out of here. I have an old black and white TV, I think it's a 13 inch, which I've had for years. It works fine, just need about 30 seconds to warm up enough to come on, that I'm going to sell. It's just been sitting in our bedroom, along with an "extra" VHS/DVD player that we'll sell. We never use the player and rarely use the TV, so it's time to get rid of them. I pulled nicnacs, dishes, pots and pans....just all sorts of stuff to empty this house out to a normal level of junk. It's felt like purging my soul or something. I know the feeling I've had through this will only be better once the yard sale is over and I drop what doesn't sell off at Goodwill. No more junk, a little more room in the house - can't go wrong. Hopefully we'll net enough to give us a small emergency fund to shove in the savings. That was the whole reason for finally getting around to doing this - so we have something to fall back on while we're struggling so much if something crops up. Of course, I have lavish dreams of bringing in more than that, but that's not realistic. So I'll hope for the best. Oh, and I tried to talk Jay into selling our Clavinova piano which none of us plays (yet - but I hope to one day soon) but he was totally opposed. That could have easily sold for $400.00. Oh well. I was beginning to get a little too eager to dump stuff out there for sale.......Somebody had to take control.

Sanity Test

There have always been a number of ways to test your sanity. First, you can listen to people as you walk away and see if they mention things like, "She's totally insane" or "What was she talking about". Perhaps you notice you babble or are unable to speak in full sentences. Your spouse might suggest you need "a nice, long rest, Dear" and he drives you to the hospital. People might cross to the other side of the street when they see you or whisper, "Oh no, here she comes and she's totally whacked." Or maybe you've just got a house full of boxes that you trip over, step over, hit your hands on, have to move constantly to get to things, have blocking the through breeze under your stairs, etc.

I know I must, but I can barely hang on until next weekend to empty this stuff out of here. May the sanity fairies help me......

I Think Another Hour Ought To Do It

Maybe not even an hour left to get that craft cabinet done and I'll be finished sorting through and preparing everything. I'll need to make the signs this week and then start putting prices on things. I've had these yard sale price stickers forever, it seems. One kind just says "PRICE" and you put the amount on and the others are circles with different amounts on them. Mostly, the prices will go on as we put stuff out, though. I just can't imagine pulling everything out to price it and then repack it.

Tomorrow I'm cleaning because I can't stand one more minute of this messy house - which has gotten out of control while I've focused on cleaning out the yard sale junk.

I'll be so glad when this is all over. My house is now wall to wall boxes and sale items. I'm ready to scream! I'll just keep reminding myself: almost over, almost over.

Yeah, Baaabbbbyyy!

We got our dang crawl space emptied out today! All in one day! In fact, it only took a total of 3 & 1/2 hours. Conisidering how much junk was down there, that's amazing. Now there are only some empty boxes Jay didn't want to haul up (and based on his mood since he didn't want to put this work in, I didn't fuss about it) and a Select Comfort queen size bed we had until we upgraded to king size. We figured we'd use it for a guest bed when we one day move to a house (or, my nightmare, we are still living here when Rachel moves out). I have a boat load of laundry I'm doing to get all the baby/toddler/older kid clothing washed to sell, except a few special outfits that we'll keep. The only other thing I have to do is go through my craft cabinet to pull a few things out. Then I just need to live with the mess of boxes everywhere for a couple of weeks. We can't have this yard sale until the weekend of August 14th. We'll do a Thurs., Fri. and Sat. sale and hopefully, Jay will be here for it. It will suck to go it alone.

Despite the little bit of work Jay had to do, he turned into a griping, whining bear and I about kicked his backside to the curb. I kept my cool, though, and just kept reminding him I've been working on this project for 3 full weeks now and he was only putting in this short amount of time in the crawl space. Eventually, he thought about what a jerk he was being and apologized. So, things ended up okay.

My back and shoulder are killing me, though. All this lifting and bending. I wish we could afford for me to get the chiro care I really need, but we don't and I'll just have to cope. It will get better when I'm not working so hard moving furniture (I doing some major cleaning as I purge the house of stuff) and lifting boxes.

My MIL called and asked us to come visit on Sunday, so we did. Jay's younger sister, her daughter and her daughter's little girl who is about 18 months old were there. His nephew from his older sister came over, too. It was a nice visit but I was beat because I'd worked so hard all this week on the house and then the one day I hoped to just relax and go to church, we missed church and had the long drive down to the Springs.

It's very, very late. Or early, depending on how you want to look at it. I'm off to bed.

Was It Worth It?

Here I sit, bleary eyed from lack of sleep. Did I wake early this morning? Sort of, but I usually get up around 6:00 a.m. Did I get to bed late? You could say that. I'd accomplished so much yesterday while Rachel played with her friend, Samantha, that I felt great and just wanted to keep going. I'm soooo close to being done with the house (simplifying and gathering yard sale items - in case you haven't read the previous posts because that's what my life has been all about lately *roll eyes*). It has been so gratifying to accomplish so much that I didn't want to stop. So last night when I intented to go up to bed, I looked at the corner of my room where I still have things to go through and I just dug in. Before I knew it, it was 4:15 a.m. I kid you not! And I got up at 8:00 a.m. because the dog needed out. And, you know, I'm great at handling 4 hours of sleep a night.....NOT. I feel like I wasted the day because by the time I got going and dressed it was almost noon. That would be because I'm dragging. I'm off to run errands now. Yuck - Friday shopping.

In my next life, I want to be a cat.