I know today seems hard. The worry, the pressure of finals. The inability to follow what you want in life right now. Being sick - again - and having a cough that just doesn't want to go away and draws unwanted attention to you. I know there are other worries and fears, too, being too private to mention here. But I promise you these things are only for a moment in time, Sweetheart. They only exist for your benefit, for learning, even if we cannot understand why or what the result is supposed to be in the end.
A moment in time and then.....life will change, blossom anew. It will spin a new web around you with lines that are there for you to explore, leading to new wonders, new adventures, new friends and experiences. They will lead to all the things you have dreamed of in your happiest moments, if only you hold tight to the line you must finish at the end of this week.
Now is a time for patience. Faith. Hope. Now is time to know how loved you are by so many people. You have such a kind heart, such a sweet and loving soul. You wouldn't hurt anyone intentionally. You wouldn't squash a bug you fear in your pursuit of the woman you desire to be. You are always the one to bring resolution to your friend's squabbles. You are always the one to let a teacher know how much you appreciate their efforts. You are always quick with a hug, the one who notices someone is sad or needs to talk. You are AMAZING. This good person you are is the reason so many speak so highly of you. You are a gift to those who know you. And they know it! But can you imagine Joseph telling you that he thinks you are a gift to him? Awkward!!
With every moment you fear or hurt, let the sun bathe you in its warmth. Let your heart fill with the good because it so very much outweighs the bad. Let your smile light up your face! You have always been my ray of sunshine! Think of when Sister Jones sings (and dances) to This Little Light of Mine. You just HAVE to smile when you do! Well, YOU are that little light for so many, but especially for Daddy and I.
More than anything, I so want to see you feel joy and happiness every day. These sad times break my heart because I see your potential, your future every time I look forward and it is very, very good, Rachel. Because that is who you are.
I love you. Hang on to any happiness, joy, smile and laugh you can until this storm passes. It WILL pass and then you will be able to see the light again. I am with you. God is with you. You are precious and more loved than you can even begin to understand. I love you, my Angel Baby; my Boo; my Bean; my Pooh, my Sunshine....I could keep going but I hope I'm standing nearby as you read this and you might roll your eyes!
Love you more than you know,
Mama
