Superwoman, I Am Not

A good friend of mine keeps an on-line journal that I read regularly. Okay, several of my friends do that. But this one I have been reading for......9 years now, I think? At least, I've known her for that long. Anyway, the thing about this woman is that she is amazing. She is one of those Superwoman women. She exercises regularly (no wimpy walk around the block for her), she works two jobs, is raising two kids, finds time for her friends and parents and her journal site community. She goes and goes and goes. And I marvel at her even more because both of her jobs require nurturing others - working at a school and in a nursing home - every day. One of these jobs she's done for 15 years. Telling you about her leads to the point of my post but I have to say a bit about me first.

I am not capable of being a Superwoman. When I was younger, I think I could, though that's a guess because I wasn't a mother or wife then. I worked. I worked long hours (14-16 hour days) and sometimes took on a second job on top of that for extra cash when I wanted something expensive or to have extra money to blow on a vacation. Now I find it hard to work even a regular job and keep up with everything. Of course, I blame being fat, which is what I blame for everything imperfect in my life - lol. But in some areas, being a Superwoman is my expected role.

My friend's most recent posts hinted at feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of being a Superwoman. People come to rely on you when you are in your groove and coping with it all and seem to be able to go on this way forever. And if you're a perfectionist, that pressure becomes even more heavy. But the truth is, even the Superwomen need a break now and then. We all need support from our families. We need understanding from our friends. We need someone else to step up to bat now and then and handle things. And even for a Superwoman, that's okay. It's more than okay. It's necessary. No one can just give and give all the time and get little, or in some cases nothing, back.

For me, being Superwoman means handling the household - finances, keeping the house clean, all the cooking and baking, getting Rachel to activities, running Jay to the bus stop or all the way to work in the wee hours of the morning when the buses aren't running because it's so early, coping with breakdowns, budgeting, etc. When I hit this funk I was in and found it hard to make myself clean up the house every day, I felt very overwhelmed just with that part of life. When the funk lifted enough for me to get off my butt and start making my home a comfortable place again, I realized what a mess it was even 24 hours after I'd cleaned. Then I realized the child I'd raised to pick up after herself every day wasn't doing that anymore. And the husband I'd trained to pick up after himself (with an occasional *roll eyes* reminder) wasn't doing his part, either. No wonder it felt overwhelming.

I love the stories from church and Stephen Covey publications that are about the husband who comes home from work and steps in to care for the children for an hour while his wife makes dinner or takes the kids out to play so she can have an hour of silence and just sit and relax or sees that she needs a break and makes dinner that night. What those stories tell me is that regardless of what your "job" is, everyone needs a change, a break, in the routine. And for some women, the Superwomen, they just sometimes need some back up - somebody to clean up after themselves, someone who will come help when she's doing the dishes, someone standing up for themselves when family outside the marriage are demanding their spouses time, especially for long periods of time. Sometimes everything needs to slow down so they can just be a couple or a family or just be free of obligations for a little while.

For my friend, I don't know exactly what has been going on, but you are right to feel what you feel and to ask for and expect what you need in return from your loved ones.

And for me, maybe letting someone else take something over and see where things are is the real key.

Whatever the case, Superwomen still need a day off now and then.