Healing

So now our beautiful boy is healing up.  He really has had a rough time of it.  There are scrapes all over his body, one toenail on a back leg is missing, his face and chin have some skin missing.  He's tired and sore.  He's continuing on his antibiotic, muscle relaxer and pain pills.  He still has a bandage on one front paw where his skin had split open.  It was looked at again on Friday and we go back in a week to see how it's doing.  Until he is well healed up, there is no dog park visiting.  But there is a lot of cuddling and love going on.

Darkness

A poem I wrote for one of my writing groups. The subject was depression:


Darkness crowds me
Takes my breath and crushes
I reach up but feel only pain...
And pressure
Hands offered are unseen

The darkness so encompasses me
"I cannot save myself"
My spirit cries
Not this time
Not from this pain

My mind betrays me
And brings only self-loathing
My body, my enemy
In this cave of silence
From which only I scream
Shall I ever walk in lit streets again?
Shall I ever see the joy I know stands outside this prison
A prison deep in my soul?

And yet, one does finally break through
He is light, peace, and joy
Finally, I lay my pain down
And walk away until it rises
Once again

By Kerri Gray Jesmer

Copyrighted.  All rights reserved.  Do not use without permission.  This is the sole property of the author, Kerri Gray Jesmer.

Taken

Dreams of myths and fairy tales
You come and strip my flesh away
You pull at my sinew and tear at my veins

You arch your brows in delight
Of the pain you inflict
I cry out for not!
You take such pleasure
In the pain and sorrow of others

By Kerri Gray Jesmer

Copyrighted.  All rights reserved.  Do not use without permission.  This is the sole property of the author, Kerri Gray Jesmer.

What I've Learned About Love And Pets

Love comes in many sizes, colors, times in our lives, species, and from all over the world.  I had a first love when I was a teenager and thought I'd never love anyone like him again.  But I did.  In fact, I love this man more than I ever loved any other man in my life.  And so I married him.

I've had the love of family my whole life.  Sometimes it hasn't felt like it in our world of imperfect beings, but I've had it.  Sometimes the love is nurturing, sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes just not what you need.

I've had the love of my child.  A child wanted for 35 years before I was finally blessed with her.  And then I knew what love was really all about.  And every parent I'd ever known who wasn't beyond the moon about their child or children, I could not understand.

I've had the love of pets.  And with that love so often comes great heartbreak as they leave our lives far too soon.

My first pet was a dog named Frisky.  I don't really remember him except in pictures and stories I'm told.  He was a dachshund and would growl when I was laying on the floor crying if someone tried to pick me up.  They had to scold him to get to me.

We also had a cat named Bluebell when I was in early grade school and a dog named Jason - a Norwegian Elkhound.  He was sweet and cuddly and so proud looking when he traipsed through the yard.

We had a Great Dane named Lady who was huge, protective, and a wonderful family pet.  We had Sadler and Smoker, both cattle dog/Australian shepherd mixes, and Hilda, a Saint Bernard.

And we had a lot of cats then - Blue (my boy), Butch (my younger sister's), Misty (their not very motherly mom), Moon (the mom to all the kittens), and Sweetheart (Moon's actual kitten).

As a teen, I got "my" dog, Damascus or Dac, for short.  I asked my mom if I could have him and she said, "See what your dad says and if it's okay with him, it's okay with me."  So I told Dad that Mom said it was okay, so he said okay.  I got my dog!   I was in my early 20's when I admitted how I manipulated them into letting me have him.  They'd had no idea.  That dog was so precious to me. He was often the only one I thought loved me in all the world.  I was in my late 20's when Dac passed away and I thought I would just die without him.  I wasn't married, wasn't even dating at the time, and wasn't around my family much.  It was a tough loss.

After our daughter was born, she begged and begged for pets.  Two quickly deceased Beta fish later, we got Lacey, a beautiful tortie cat.  She was my girl, sitting on my lap while I rocked her like a baby. She hid around the corner of our hallway and when I was coming down it to do laundry or out to the kitchen to make dinner, she stalked me and jumped at my ankles when I approached.  I would fake scream and she would jump up excited and run to the next "attack" position.  She was my baby girl up until the moment she left us, after 15 years when she crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

Many years before we lost Lacey, we added Daisy, a dog with a serious tissue habit.  By tissue habit, I mean that she loved to eat them!  She would do drive-by grabs right from the box (when she couldn't land a used one someone "forgot" to throw away).  She was our Frisbee girl, jumping up to catch them but never bringing them back as she waited for the next one to be thrown.  We only had her until she was 10 years old and it was a heartbreaking loss for all of us, but especially my husband whom she loved like no one else in the world.

And before Daisy left us, we had already added Babey, a gray and white striped cat.  Currently, at 12 years old, she's our reverse Houdini.  She opens dresser drawers and pulls everything out onto the floor. But somehow, she never manages to shut them, of course.

So when Daisy, then our sweet Lacey left us, Babey seemed lonely.  She was used to a house full of pets.  So, we kept talking about another dog.  We got a cat that a family member no longer wanted, instead. Yuki is a lovable creature, orange and white striped, and loves being out in the backyard (now that we have a dog door from our next adoption).

One day we were driving along and my daughter spotted a sign for adoptions at a local pet store.  I told her we'd pull in if we had time on our way back home as we were headed somewhere.  Daisy had passed in 2011, just three weeks after my mother died.  Lacey had been gone for almost a year.

We did pull into the parking lot of the shopping center on our way home and there were only two medium/large size dogs.  All the others were little.  But those two big dogs spotted us the moment we got out of our car and stared at us the entire time until we reached them and started petting them.  To us, it was a sign.  They were meant to be ours.  We adopted them both then - a white shepherd named Tristan and an Australian shepherd named Tyler now (although his name was Husky then). We got our boys the very next day.

They are polar opposites in behavior.  Tristan is a puppy at heart and is now two years old.  He was a stray and had a tough start to life.  He's fast as a bullet and the dominant boy over his brother.

Tyler is the Gentle Ben.  We've talked about training him as a therapy dog because he couldn't be more gentle and sweet.  He loves to be loved on - all the time!

Today, Tristan was hit by a car.  He wiggled out of his harness and a car going too fast hit him.  He's alive, thank God, but my poor baby is suffering in a lot of pain.  He has bruising on his lungs, had a little blood in his abdomen which appears to be re-absorbing now, abrasions all over his beautiful body.  And I just keep thinking, this boy suffered so much as a stray, why did this have to happen?  I will be so happy to have him home soon - hopefully by tomorrow evening.  But my heart is so heavy with his suffering.  I wish I could take it all upon myself to spare him.

There is no love like the love of a pet, especially a dog.  There is no creature more faithful and giving than a dog.  How anyone could even lift a cruel hand to an innocent - be it an animal or a child or an elderly person - is beyond me.  This boy of mine will continue to always know how loved he is by this family.  I feel empty armed until he's home again.......