Growing Up

I title this with a little joy and excitement but also with a little cringe. Rachel has been a joy since the day she was born. She was an easy baby - easy to ween to the bottle, easy to ween from a pacifier, easy to teach to read and write her name before school started, easy, easy easy. Until potty training. That she did not like. It took a month or so but we finally made it and she did great once she had it down. Now we've come into the tween years. This Thursday, on Thanksgiving Day, she turns twelve. I can hardly believe it. Twelve years of having this amazing gift in our lives; a gift that has brought so much laughter, happiness and joy in our lives. I have come to believe that I had no reason for any other children, because she is the perfect one. My heart is so full of love and adoration for her. Holding her for the first time after her birth was the first time I felt that all encompassing, heart wrenching love for another person. In a way, she taught me how to love.

This past week was a busy one for us, but especially for Rachel. She performed her play Wed., Thurs, and Fri. nights, having to be there at 6 p.m.. It ran until 8:45. But she was phenomenal in it. On Monday and Tuesday, they had dress rehearsal from immediately after school until 7 p.m. AND it was finals week! She pretty much fell into bed every night.

On the last night of the play, we met her as we had each night by the ticket table. She quickly put her arm around my neck, looked back at her dad and said, "Girl talk," as she led me out the door ahead of him. Then she gleefully told me she had a boyfriend. Okay, I admit I felt a little panic overcome me. But then I calmed down so as to not take any of the joy out of this experience for her. I said, "Really? That's wonderful, Sweetie. Who is it?" It is Will, the boy who gave her the paper origami flower. The boy who although admittedly cute, only comes up to my daughter's shoulder. And here's the kicker: She asked him. He said yes immediately but she asked him to think about it because she didn't want them to break up the next day or anything like that. He came over to her at the end of the play and said he still wanted to be her boyfriend. That night, while Daddy was in another room, we had the boundaries talk again. Good thing, too, since she couldn't remember any of them (we discussed it when she got the paper flower).

Anyway, she's thrilled and happy and not even close to thinking she loves him or anything crazy like that - just a nice, sweet little crush that's reciprocated. He just better not do anything to hurt my little girl's heart.

We'll celebrate Rachel's twelth birthday on Thanksgiving at a friend's house where we'll be spending the day. We took $20 out of Jay's temporary job check and bought her the little purse and wallet she asked for - wanting to feel more grown up than the little "play" purses she has. We'll have a cake and we'll all sing Happy Birthday to her. She wanted to take some friends to a movie (like Movie Tavern or Cinema Grill) for the movie and pizza and then home for presents, but we'll have to do that after the 1st of the year or just plan that for next year since Jay still hasn't found a job. She's doing okay about that. I think it's harder on me because twelve is a big year, a milestone, and I wanted to do more for her. But what counts is she knows it's important to us and that we are proud of her and she can't doubt that.

Not a Bite

After having made every day a day of looking for work, Jay hasn't had a bite but for one job that he was already uncomfortable about and would have required about a 4 hour bus ride to reach, it was so far away. We only have one car and with Rachel's activities, I have to have a car available. So, that didn't happen.

I've not had a thing come up, either. It's disheartening. It's frustrating. But it could be worse. We are blessed to have a 4 day job for Jay this week and for all of the help our church is giving us. No other church would do as much for their members as our church does. And though this is a real blessing, it's difficult - at best - to need it and have to go that route. I pray one day my book will do really well and we'll be able to give back in a big way. I would love to offer up a fund to the Bishop for families in need in our ward. It would feel like settling a debt - be it of gratitude or financial.

Blessings, Trials and Privileges

Our personal trials at the moment are obvious. No one in this household has a job right now. And we struggle with depression taking over and keeping one from applying himself as much as he must right now.

But here's one of the biggest blessings: Praying together, reading scriptures together and doing it every day can and will keep that at bay. Maybe not 100%, but better than ever before in the past. Of course, we are filled up with blessings right now - people who love us and are supporting us in prayer and friendship, the loaf of homemade bread dropped off here and there, the tears of understanding because they've been there before, the reassurances that it will be all right in time. So many. Then our church fills us with blessings, too. Going to church each week fills our aching, empty souls at a time when they need most to be filled up. We get hugs and loving, caring hands placed on our arms or shoulders with a reassurance that we are being prayed for and that they will "keep an ear to the ground" for any jobs. And our dear, sweet, greatly understanding Bishop reassures us the church will help us, not let us lose our house, fill our cupboards with food and then his wife hires my husband next week for 4 days as a security person for her seasonal business.

Our privileges? We live in a country where we get to vote for the person who heads up our country. That can be scary, says the moderate conservative who, although she doesn't see eye to eye with McCain, surely sees Obama's form of government - which is socialism - is not the way to go. I have a feeling Obama will be the man, though, and so I prepare now for things to become even worse in our country - just as they did when Carter (a good, Christian man) was in office and he shouldn't have been. Still, we do live in a position of freedom which is more than most people in this world can say. Our constitution was inspired by God and written by God-fearing, though not always perfectly upright, men. We are....lucky to be where we are.

Life Doesn't Move Quickly Enough When You're a Tween

We always say a prayer when we eat a meal together. When Jay was on the road, Rachel and I always said one at dinner. Since Jay's been home all week, we're eating lunch and dinner together. Jay and I usually take that prayer time to say many things in our thanks to Heavenly Father for all our blessings, similar but not as much as our family prayers. Rachel, naturally, says quite a bit less, though she's very thoughtful and thankful in hers.

So, yesterday we sat down to a lunch of grilled cheese which was a little late in the day because I was trying to take care of some things. I asked who would like to say the prayer. Rachel usually volunteers, so I thought she might like a break from it. I followed up with, "Would you like to, Daddy? Or I could?" Rachel said, "Ummm, I'm really hungry, so I think I'll just say it." We burst out laughing. Rachel said her shorter prayer and then hungrily ate lunch.