You think as you get older....okay, maybe we'll call it middle aged....that you have a lot of learned-from-experience knowledge. Tears seem to come more easily than they used to. Your heart goes out more to others and less for yourself. You find your spiritual center, so to speak. You begin to find a place within yourself where you can settle in and accept whatever bugged you about yourself when you were younger - in my case, it was my nose (and, of course, being fat, which still bugs me a lot). You really start to feel like you're figuring things out. Of course, we're never done learning and so things happen that help you grow and gain in knowledge and, if you're lucky, help make you a better person than you used to be.
I worked as an insurance adjuster for eight years before I was married. I handled just about every kind of insurance you can imagine - Workman's Comp, General Liability (like slip and falls in stores), Law Enforcement Liability, Home/Property and Auto, a little Malpractice, Inland Marine - that's all that comes to my immediate mind. We directed our company attorneys and monitored their timeliness on law suits. I enjoyed the work for the most part, liked the busy flow of the day, enjoyed learning the laws in the states we handled, enjoyed interacting with people and helping them when they'd been hurt - physically or financially - by some sort of accident. I loved and respected many of the people I worked with, too. The job had its rewards. It also had its drawbacks. Although lots of people talk about how insurance companies try to rip off people who *deserve* money, I know that adjusters like that are in the minority. Oh, they do exist. I even worked with one woman like that when I first got into the industry and promised myself I would NEVER be that unfair to anyone in my career. I always offered the best settlements I could - in other words, the most money and/or assistance I could offer. I didn't play around and when someone didn't think I'd offered enough, I'd try my best to get a little more for them (this required supervisor or higher approval and sometimes approval from the insured if it was a big business who paid many of their up front settlements from their own money rather than the insurance). Sometimes that happened and sometimes I'd already offered every penny available. Some people knew they were being treated fairly, accepted the offers and got on with their lives. Others, and unfortunately there were many more like this, just kept fighting and threatening and very often were perpetrating a fraud. It happens MUCH MORE OFTEN than you would think. So you're probably wondering what this has to do with my post title. I'll tell you.
After so many years seeing many people at their worst - knowing they were lying, having to send private investigators to video proof of that, getting medical reports that directly indicated they were lying, etc - I began to have a sad and negative opinion of people overall. When I met my husband, this bugged him. A LOT. It bugged me somewhat, too, but I couldn't get past it. Even after I got out of the business and stayed home while we tried to get pregnant for Rachel, I had a hard time not being suspicious of people, to not have a more negative opinion of them than was my right, to be blunt. Of course, I knew my friends and people I knew from church were not like that and I didn't feel that way about them, but in general, I really had a negative idea of what people were like. When I walked into a grocery store and spied something on the floor, I quickly moved it out of the pathway and would say to Jay, "If I don't move that, some loser will come along and fake a fall on it." What I should have said and thought was , "If I don't move that, someone might fall and get hurt." But all my years handling just these kinds of claims and knowing these people often were not injured like they claimed made it very hard to think in those kinder, fairer ways.
Over the years, desiring to be a better person and deciding to think better of my fellow man, I slowly changed my thinking. My newer thinking over the last few years has been that all people, for the most part, are good in heart and just need someone to have faith in them and be their friend. I very much take to heart the creed of George Albert Smith, the 8th Prophet of and President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One of the lines is: "I would not seek to force people to live up to my ideas, but rather love them into doing the thing that is right." By no means do I think I am perfect or even all that wonderful. I just try my best and I know that's what most people do. Yeah, there are some people who aren't very good people. There are even some people who are truly awful people. But most people are decent and doing the best they can every day.
So lately, we have seen - no, actually been recipients of - kindness and generosity beyond our imaginings. We have been cared for - spiritually, emotionally and even financially - by many people lately while we endure Jay's unemployment. It is something that I would never have expected. It is something that, though I find it difficult to be on the receiving end rather than the giving end, I have been enormously grateful for, surprised by and cried many tears over. Most of the few people who read this blog have been the givers - whether spiritual, emotional or financial. And I want you to know we have been filled up in our hearts with gratitude by your actions. Our blessings are mighty and we can't say enough how appreciated and grateful we are for all those gifts.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your friendships.
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