Sunday is THE Day

Well, Sunday he leaves.  I thought it would be harder - and maybe it will be on that actual day - but so far, I just feel strongly that it's the right thing to do.  My girl is in the same place and I'll monitor her closely to be sure if that changes, I know and can be there for her. 

The truth is, I feel like I can live again when this is all said and done; like I'll be able to take a deep breath and just.....be me.  No eggshells to tiptoe over, no careful thought before I speak, no fear of showing my emotions because it might get me mistreated or, at the very least, yelled at (not that yelling is not mistreatment - it is).  It's hard to look at my life as having been this way off and on for the whole 17 years, but particularly for the last three.  I wanted it to work, though.  I held out for as long as I could that he would be the man he'd been for a good deal of our marriage and be good and kind, fun and loving again.  But that is not the path he has chosen and so I released him and by doing so, realized I had released myself to be free in my heart and my mind again.

I hope one day, not too long from now, I find my one great and true love - a man who respects me, adores the wife I strive to be and reciprocates those actions, loves my daughter as though he helped create her, promises and covenants with me and is able to keep those promises and covenants, finds it abhorant to ever lie to me, would never dream of not taking financial responsibility, is patient, kind, faithful in his friendships and family relationships and shares my religious beliefs.

I look at that list and think, "Man, am I asking a lot?"  I hope I'm not.  I hope that's who most men in my church are.  I know many who are and I hope there is one out there for me.  As my older sister has told me, I've always wanted to be a mama, but I also wanted to be a Mrs.  I know I have a lot to offer a good man and when my divorce is final, I hope I can find him - if it be God's will (and I think it is).