Although he was certain he would be on his way Sunday, it was Tuesday when I dropped off his stuff and he boarded a greyhound for Springfield, Missouri. I gave him a hug and kiss good-bye and teary-eyed, headed home. It was harder than I wanted it to be. I just had to tell myself it is, without a doubt, the right thing to do. He wasn't going to be the man I used to love anymore and although there were glimmers of him, I know it would not last.
I think he's relieved because he feels he's out from under the pressure of being a responsible adult family member. He'd allowed himself to simply cop out after he lost his career driving a truck and being miserable not driving, decided it was everyone else's fault. The last three years have been so awful with him constantly angry and constantly disrespectful and yelling - to both our daughter and me - that it has been a huge relief to have him gone. Already, there is a comfort level in our home that feels so good. I can't wait to get the house all cleaned up, my new sheets on the bed (I got an awesome deal at Big Lots on a nice set and I might go get another set at Ross that was only $5.00 more but even more gorgeous!) and settle in to a new and peaceful routine.
Rachel and I start Weight Watchers tonight, go see the last Harry Potter movie tomorrow, go to the church Bishopric Breakfast Saturday morning and then we plan to scrub our house clean. I'm looking forward to how I'll feel come Sunday when it's all done - peace, cleanliness, a new and happier future.
But I'll always be his friend if he needs me. I'll always love him some because of 17 years with him as my best friend and intimate and because he is the father of my amazing and lovely daughter. I just hope he can find true happiness in his life, too. I wish the best to him.
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