Stolen Idea

I saw this idea on a blog I regularly read and thought it would be very therapeutic and fun for me. So here are 25 tidbits about me: 

1. I LOVE writing (like people who know me don't know that *roll eyes*). 

2. I often feel like I've failed as a wife and mother, even though I know I work hard at it and I appear to be pretty successful for the most part. 

3. I wish I could just accept who and what my husband is and not ever, ever whine about him. It's why I try to crack jokes about stuff concerning him instead. It feels...wrong to complain about him. 

4. I wish I were thin and that it was easier to make that happen then it is. 

5. I love to read, but find little time for it. 

6. I think I watch TOO MUCH TV. I wish I didn't enjoy the shows I do as much as I do and could just miss them without feeling like I'd regret it. Of course, it's just TV and so that's rather stupid, but I suppose the shows I do watch are somewhat of an obsession. 

7. I wish I'd gone to college - even if just for 1 year, so that I felt better educated. I think I'm pretty smart. I've learned a lot just living life and most people are surprised when I say I didn't go to college. Despite that, I wish I had. I think I missed out on an experience by not going. 

8. I'm grateful for having had to start working at a young age - 14. It helped develop a really strong work ethic in me and even in just this short week at my new job, my co-workers have commented on how quickly I learn and how hard I work. It makes me proud. 

9. My faith has become one of the most important things in my life. Every moment of my life I am grateful for the gospel and the peace and happiness and strength it gives me. I wish I could share it with everyone - which brings me to #10. 

10. I'm a terrible missionary. I don't know. I guess I just feel like religion is such a personal thing that it's hard to "talk up" my own faith. I share it with friends, just not in a missionary way and I call it good.  

11. I don't think Rachel would be the wonderful, spiritual child she is were it not for her Primary and Young Women teachers/leaders. I couldn't have gotten it right on my own. 

12. I love my husband's hairy chest. I know, it's TMI, but it's something I find very sexy about him. And his hands. I love his hands. 

13. Sometimes I wish I could go away for a few days, all by myself, and just write or daydream or sing without interruption and without fear or regret that I'm not doing what I should be doing.

14. I used to love my singing voice but it's not as nice as it used to be since I was diagnosed with asthma. This makes me sad and makes me wish I'd made a recording of all the songs I sang to Rachel at bedtime when she was little so she would have them to listen to when she feels too grown up to ask me to sing her to sleep now (though once in a while, she still does ask). 

15. I love that our cat, Lacey, is sort of my cat. She sits in my arms in the evenings and follows me around meowing at me or watching for me to sit down when I'm busy doing things around the house. It makes me feel special. 

16. I wish I knew how to reach into my daughter's heart and take away any hurt she's had this first year in middle school. Middle school sucks. I remember. 

17. I don't think my mother enjoys talking to me on the phone anymore. For about the last 6 or 7 months, every time I call, she tells me within a couple of minutes that I've called at a bad time and she has to do this or that. It hurts my feelings, even though I'm in my 40's, and so I hardly call her anymore. I figure, what's the point. I also try to be sure I'm only calling with good, positive news, thinking maybe I've had times I'm whining about something and she doesn't want to hear it. I don't know. It keeps me feeling the way I did growing up as a kid - the black sheep. It sucks. I should be adult enough to get past that. 

18. I'm extremely embarrassed about our financial situation and wish I could just miraculously make it go away. I feel like we've sinned by not following the admonitions of our church to avoid debt. Even the student loans for Jay's schooling have come back to bite us in the butt. 

19. I miss the beautiful home I had when I was single - nice furniture, beautiful country/Victorian decoration, beautiful colors and in good condition because I took really good care of the places I lived in. Our current house is also an embarrassment to me. It's partially why we don't invite people over anymore. 

20. I remember childhood vacations to lots of destinations - the coast of Maine, Sequoia National Park in California (we lived in San Francisco in the Presidio when I was little - My youngest sister was born there), Minnesota where my aunt owned a cabin on a lake, Indiana where my parents were born and raised, the Dakotas, Maryland and Virginia (my dad worked at the Pentagon when he was in the Army and we also lived in both places), Washington DC. I still remember looking up at the Lincoln Memorial and thinking he was watching me as I moved. Lots of other places. My parent's goal was to get all of their kids into every state, even if we just drove through it, before we were all grown. 

21. I still remember walking in Yellowstone National Park down a wooden walkway with my dad when I was a little girl. 

22. We camped in a huge tent my parents bought while in Germany for almost all our vacations. My mom bathed us every night, too. There were 5 of us kids. She had two large, round, plastic basins - one to wash, one to rinse - and she bathed us like an assembly line. The 3 girls first, then both my brothers. My dad got up every morning early and made breakfast for the family when we camped so mom could sleep a little longer. 

23. I hate to camp now. It's partially because of my back problems and partially because of bugs. Sometimes I feel like I've cheated Rachel out of a fun experience, so I'm hoping Girl Scouts made up for that.... 

24. I fantasize I'll make $250,000 (after taxes) off my book (very unlikely, but......). It would clear off our credit card, student loans, and mortgage after tithing so we could live with sooooo much less stress. We'd be able to get a second used car and give back to the church for some of the help they have given us. And pay my book editor a healthy chunk for her hard and honest work. 

25. I need to clean my house more often and keep it picked up better during the week until the next cleaning.