Homecoming

He's coming home tomorrow for a few days and my feelings about it are all over the place.  I see in my daughter's face, in her heart, how much she needs to see him.  And I feel this....fear, maybe....or concern or something I can't name about how I will feel over the whole thing.  There is a little excitement in me, too.  Lately, I've needed him - to talk to about some difficult issues that have gone on - and realize how much I miss having a companion to share the tough things with.  I look forward to talking face to face.  But I am scared.  I don't want to feel too much or too....hard.  I want to stay in a place where I can keep my head about me because whether or not we one day get back together, it is far in the future.  He needs to look inside for a while, to become better and stronger.  And I need to grow independent again, grow confident in myself again.  So it's a little scary.

We are still husband and wife.  I still love him.  I know some people say they hate the people they were once married to, and maybe it's because we're still married so those vows are still in place, but I still feel that love for him.  The path we are on is the right one.  Where it will ultimately lead is the question.  And I don't know.  It will just take time.  And until then, we'll do our best to be good to each other, to be there for each other and show our daughter how much she means to us both.  After all, she comes first in all this, only after God Himself.