I've become aware that my daughter is telling lies to at least one friend - about why she came home and possibly a few other items. She said I begged and cried for her to come home and she couldn't say no. But that's not even close to the truth. I simply said if she was willing to contract with us for doing her chores (she didn't and she's not), we would "Let" her come home. But her job as a live-in nanny fell through and she wouldn't extend her current job. She's not doing as much at home as she did sometimes before and not doing what she said she would, but she is here of her own free will and without tears or begging from me. Honestly, I only wanted to be sure she was safe but I'd begun to enjoy how much less work I had to do when it was just me. She also lied about how I felt about her going to Church. She said I was angry. But honestly, I long ago stopped worrying about that. I've done my part in raising her and it is all down to her choice; her free agency. She's an adult. She has to fly her own path.
My heart says to put this away and know that she is sicker than we ever knew. She struggles to love actual blood-related family and considers only her online friends her family. She says she will have nothing to do with any of her blood-related family. Some of that is understandable. One of my brothers is extremely difficult to deal with most of the time and has been very hurtful, particularly to me. I was the last one making an effort with him in the family and even I have given up. My younger sister is a bit out there if you make her mad. And my family was used to always going off on me, taking it out on me, and that hasn't stopped. But they are my family. I just don't deal well with arguing, anger, cruel name-calling and destructive behaviors that most people don't realize you can never take back. Especially when it doesn't even seem egged on by anything but lack of a reaction to something or, sadly, politics *insert rolling eyes here*. My semi-sister always sides with and behaves in a manner following my younger sister. My older sister has passed, so there is no longer that equation. But my other brother has never been cruel or rude or anything negative to me, my husband or my daughter as adults - yet she includes him, and all of my husband's siblings (most of whom she barely knows) as unworthy of her association. And says not knowing them well is why they are not family to her. News flash - you can't change who your family is. But you can cut them out of your life and that seems to be her thing for now.
I am addressing how to deal with this in therapy. So far, my therapist is a bit shocked at how much we've done to try to improve things and have it not help. I'm praying for the strength to deal with this, to rest my heart in that I did the best I could in raising her and cannot help her anymore. And that people inside of our circle of family, friends and even acquaintances, see that these statements she makes about cruelty and abuse are unfounded. Quite the opposite in that she's terribly (albeit secretly) verbally abusive to us.
My heart knows I cannot change things. I am releasing this pain and hurt enough to let her drift away if that is what she chooses. I believe with all my heart that she will come to realize life is lonely without your family - especially once we are gone from this earth. I just pray it doesn't take her that long.
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