After nearly 17 years of marriage, I have asked him to leave. It's just too much to continue to live with and I'd rather it be just my girl and I than live under this misery any longer.
It wasn't always this way. There were plenty of wonderful times that are etched in my memory but it takes so many more positives to outweigh the negatives. The last two and a half to three years have been very unhappy, almost exclusively. So it is time to move away from this marriage and on to my own so I can rebuild my heart, my self-esteem and my happiness. Thankfully, just making the decision has given me great relief. It's not that I am not grieving the loss, I am. But I also look forward to the peacefulness, the happiness without the constant negatives interjected into things that doesn't need to be there. There are things I will miss, but sadly, they are few at this point.
The hardest part of all? I miss being able to talk to my mom about this whole thing. My sister's and brother's are very supportive and all feel this is a good decision on my part, but I wish I could talk to Mom about it. I've been missing her terribly because of what's going on. Of course, I miss her terribly anyway. So one of my friends suggested I find a quiet time when no one is home and do just what I need to do - talk to her. I'm waiting for that opportunity. I just wish I could hear her talking back to me.
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